‘I’ve got a flat white, a long macc, a double ristretto and… who ordered the hot chocolate?’
Silence descends. Ordering a hot chocolate sometimes attracts the same side-eyed attention from fellow sippers as a Prius at an underground drag race (not that I would know, underground drag racing is not legal and therefore I've never done it not even once even just for fun). We at The Urban List support the unleashing of your inner child at every possible opportunity, and what would your inner child do if they had your pin number? Level-up like a grown-up.
Grown-ups don’t skimp on the frippery and inessentials in bulk. Grown-ups have turbo-thrusted flavour oomph and extra cream. Grown-ups max themselves out with almost Byzantine extravagance then stay up as late as they want.
Brisbane’s got some pimped up hot chocolates that are just the ticket to indulge your most deeply-seated childish fancies. We’re talking bells, whistles, spoilers, mufflers and fins. This is your local edition of Brisbane’s best pimped hot chocolates:
There is good reason Bitter Suite’s peanut butter hot chocolate tops the list every year, and that’s because it’s the humvee honcho of Brisbane’s hot chocolates. The serving is already mammoth before they crown it with a squizzle of cream and generous dribblings of the secret ingredient: Reese’s peanut butter sauce, sploosh.
Rating: 4.7 spinning rims/5
As far as 'pimped-up' hot chocolates go, Cowch's is probably a bit much. I mean, it’s a lot of extra cream and marshmallows to mine through before you even get to the chocolate (what an inconvenience), but the choice of dark, milk, white or salted caramel with TOASTED MARSHMALLOWS really cranks the hot chocolate game up a notch of twelve.
Rating: 4 hydraulic systems/5
Dandelion & Driftwood
It’s hard to stand out in a competitive throng of remastered classics, but one newbie’s done it and created a whole class of its own. Everyone do your best to keep your chill, for the very first time Brisbane has itself a Red Velvet hot chocolate care of Dandelion & Driftwood in Hendra. We really hope this idea of a drinkable cupcake catches on; you can find religion at the bottom of every cup and it really is the most becoming shade of red.
Rating: 3.5 psychedelic paint jobs/5
Nothing releases the inner imp better than a hot chocolate at Clayfield’s Let Minnow. They call them ‘super’ hot chocolates and this is in no way hyperbole because what could be ordinary and run-of-the-mill is amped up with some precious memories like Caramel Koala, Mint Slice and Malteaser. Sort of like taking a 200ml trip to the 7/11 with a dollar you found on the bus.
Rating: 4.5 loudspeakers strapped to the roof of the car/5
More like a chemistry set than any other hot chocolate you’re likely to order, Bonsai Botanika’s premium deconstruction of a hot chocolate is a big stuck-out tongue to everyone who ever told you not to play with your food. To assemble: tip a beaker of chocolate into the milky puddle and recoil in awe as the godly goodness spurts forth in violent plunges of hot chocolately splendour. Extra points for interactivity.
Rating: 4.8 backseat minibars/5
And speaking of interactive, the majesty of Mr. Claude’s hot chocolate has been outsourced to New Farm Confectionary and their hot chocolate sticks. Simply stir one of their nifty chocolate wands into your cup and presto, a honeycomb hot chocolate pick-me-up! Leaves your other hand free for adjusting your boa or petting an ocelot.
Rating: 3.5 mufflers/5
There are some key players doing their best to usurp staidness and predictability in the Brisbane hot chocolate scene. Their drinks aren't quite superfluous and extravagant enough to be called ‘pimped’, but they’re definitely on the ‘souped up’ spectrum:
Universally adored for their abundance of hot drinks that are just as fulfilling as coffee, Wrapture is a champion of zesty additions to the chocolate game. Simmering beneath their mugs of silken chocolate they offer your choice of undercurrents like peppermint, honey and cinnamon, or the mysterious and alluring gypsy spice to blow your tiny nugget.
Rating: 4 subwoofers/5
John Mills Himself & Bunker
CBD & Milton
One company, two locations, three types of chocolate, and seventeen different add-ins make the Mills/Bunker operation one of our favourite cocoa-nections for a sweet and magical hot chocolate. Pick your sweetness from the dark, milk or white chocolate and then give it a mild pimping from their extravagant selection of add-ins from classics like peanut butter to curveballs like rose petals.
Rating: 4.5 personalised plates/5
Noosa Chocolate Factory
These guys sneaked in on the honourable pimpings solely due to the fact that their hot chocolates are made with chocolate that they make THEMSELVES less than two hours’ drive away from Brisbane; local AF so you can drink it with a big, pious grin on your face. Thank you Noosa Chocolate Factory.
Rating: 4 fresh waxes/5
Image credit: Amelia
Looking for more of Brisbane's best cafes? Check out Brisbane's Best Cafes For Non-Coffee Drinkers!