If you're like me you think about eating constantly and view each meal time as a wonderful opportunity to indulge your senses, preferably with friends and loved ones.
Some poor souls only think of food as a fuel to power their body through the day and are happy to eat pretty much anything that fulfils that objective.
There is a third, much smaller group, though, who see eating as a quest. They are so good at it that they are constantly looking for food challenges to test their own limits and make them legends, among their mates at least.
If you're familiar with the Man v. Food television show, you'll know that most eating ultimatums are either about consuming a huge quantity in a short time, or downing something that is so ridiculously spicy that it constitutes self-harm.
And guess what? There are actually a fair amount of food challenges in Brisbane available for you to have a go at. Here are our favourites.
Off the Wall World's Hottest Burger
Just the name should make you tremble, but if you're foolhardy enough to finish this one you will receive the ultimate glory of appearing in a Powerpoint slideshow displayed on a screen in the Off The Wall Diner. The burger is very large, but not ridiculous, so it should be no problem at all. Oh wait, did we mention the aptly named Megadeath Sauce? This burger is actually no joke. It has to be eaten with rubber gloves and comes with a Megadeath Recovery Kit of milk and yoghurt which, if resorted to, automatically disqualified the contestant. Even hardened food challengers who attempt this one describe the symptoms as something akin to Armageddon and their bodies tend to completely rebel against the idea half way through.
Bayside Kebabs' Half-Metre Kebab Challenge
You like kebabs right? Sure you do. You should have no trouble smashing this 50cm kebab which weighs about 2kgs in total, including over a kilo of meat. Get it done in 8 minutes and it's on the house (normally $25), plus you will be honoured for eternity on Bayside's wall of fame. Break the record and you'll also get $100 in sweet, sweet cash.
WingBlaster's Vlad the Inflamer Ghost Chili Challenge
Chomping down six Ghost Chili wings in six minutes doesn't seem like an impossible task, even though they are insanely hot. The real kicker in this assignment, however, is the very nasty six minute 'burn in' that you have to sit through afterwards, in which you are not allowed water, milk or any other form of relief as the chilli takes hold and wreaks havoc on your system. Get through it, though and you get your photo on Wingblaster's wall, a commemorative T-shirt, and some free wings next time.
Slice's Mega Pizza Challenge
Feel like less of an animal by having a go at a food challenge with one of your friends! Slice in West End actually do a really tasty pizza pie. They have a jumbo-sized option for families of eight or crazy extreme eaters. If you and a mate can conquer the 36-slice mega pizza in 30 minutes then you win a $50 prize and your name on the wall.
Birdee's Bunk Buster Burger Challenge
The Bunk Buster burger at Birdee's tips the scales at 1kg and contains three big beef patties, grilled capsicum, jalapenos, Spanish onion, cheese, lettuce and aioli. It's served with beer battered chips and a schooner of beer or soft drink and if you get all that in your belly in 10 minutes they promise to award you 'handsomely.'
My Pho Bar's Super Bowl Challenge
The spicy beef soups at My Pho Bar are absolutely delicious, but let's see how you handle a gargantuan version in the Super Bowl Challenge. It sells fo' $45 and contains 800g of noodles, 800g and of meat, plus something like 3.5 litres of soup, and you have to finish all of it in one hour. You get your photo up on the wall just for attempting it, and if you become the first person to get through the whole lot you win… a freakin' iPad.
Have we missed any epic Brisbane food challenges? Let us know in the comments below!
TUL Note: Hailing from the 'Paris of the South,' Bundaberg, Dan Colasimone is back in Brisbane after spending the better part of a decade living overseas. He also writes about sport. He once completed an Arts degree. Twitter: @DanColasimone