Just like Jesus’ immaculate resurrection, this recipe is going to be a little tricky, but just like his loyal disciples—we have full faith in you and your ability to turn tap water into a Jacob’s Creek Merlot. So to celebrate one of the most flawlessly executed revivals of all time (second only to that one in season 12 of Grey’s Anatomy), we’ve put together the best, most divine choccie hot cross bun recipe South of Jerusalem.
- A smidge of melted butter, to grease
- 500g of plain flour
- 2 tbps cocoa powder
- 1 cup dark chocolate chips
- 2 tbsp caster sugar
- 1 tsp dried yeast
- Large pinch of salt
- 1 cup warm milk
- 50g melted butter
- 1 egg slightly whisked
- 120g dark chocolate (let’s just round that up to 200g)
- Plain flour to dust
- Butter, to serve
- 2 tbsp plain flour
- 1 tbsp cocoa powder
- 2 tbsp cold water
- 1/3 cup caster sugar
- 1/3 cup cold water
- Quickly log onto Neopets, collect your interest from the National Neopian Bank, give the Wheel of Excitement a cheeky spin and then check if your Meerca is still alive after 11 years.
- Pop to the shops and collect all your ingredies, DO NOT give in to the Easter egg special, it’s all a ruse—they will be a third of the price in two weeks.
- Rinse all the party pie crumbs off your baking tray and then brush it with melted flour.
- Combine the flour, choccie chips, cocoa, sugar, yeast and cinnamon in a bowl. Preferably not the one you ate your Crunchy Nut out of this morning.
- Make a sweet little well in the centre and add the milk, butter and egg. Use a wooden spoon or one of those fancy bendy plastic ones that your mum has to stir the mixture until it is combined. Then get down ‘n dirty with it (use your hands to bring the dough together in the bowl).
- Dust your bench surface with flour and knead the dough for 10-15 minutes aka. just enough time to finish the latest episode of Broadchurch. Brush a large bowl with melted butter and place the dough inside it, turning to coat it and then cover the bowl with Glad Wrap. Place the whole thang in a warm, dry spot for about ninety minutes or until the dough rises.
- Preheat the oven to 200C and then punch the dough in the face (“down the centre with your fist”). Cooking is the best. Turn it out onto your lightly floured surface again and knead for a couple of minutes until it’s smooth and elastic. Separate the dough into 12 equal portions and shape into smol balls. Place a 10g piece of dark chocolate into the centre of each ball (or 16.67g if you rounded up to 200g) and then shape around the chocolate to enclose.
- Place each raw hotXbun side-by-side on the Party Pie tray and then pop it into (plot twist) not the oven but in fact that same warm dry place for a good halfa or until the dough has risen a couple of centimetres.
- To make the cross paste, combine the flour, cocoa and water in a bowl until a smooth paste forms. Transfer it into either a fancy piping bag or sandwich bag with a 2mm corner cut out of it. Pipe the choccie cross paste in a continuous line along the centre of each row of buns, and then in the opposite dir—you know what a cross is.
- Bake them for twenny mins or until golden!
- Meanwhile, in a galaxy far far away, you’ve been making the glaze by placing the sugar and water in a saucepan over medium heat. Cook it by stirring for 3 minnies or until the sugar dissolves and the mixture has thickened slightly.
- Brush the tops of the of your choccie bun babies with the glaze, and serve hot with butter.
- Give yourself two insulin injections and Instagram a piccie of the buns with the hashtag #imachoccieaddictgetmeoutofhere.
Feel like cooking something else? Check out all of our recipes here.
Image credit: TUL Brisbane