Moving out of home does give you independence and resourcefulness a certain Carrie Bradshaw-style feeling of ‘making it on your own’. But it also comes with a bit of a learning curve. Mostly this curve takes the shape of crushing disappointment upon learning that your childhood home wasn’t actually inhabited by magical fairies whose job it was to cook, clean, replace toilet rolls and spirit away your dirty washing in the middle of the night. Those fairies turned out to be your parents. Life is cruel.
Here are 34 things you start to realise when you bite the bullet and move out of home.
1. Pulling hair out of the drain is the most disgusting thing ever (we always just assumed drains unclogged themselves).
2. Booking your own doctor’s appointment is surprisingly hard and confusing.
3. Forgetting bin night forces you to become an urban garbage ninja.
4. Shower pressure determines the entire course of your working day.
5. Washing clothes is a scam invented by laundry powder companies.
6. Did cheese always cost this much? I mean…what the actual f*ck.
7. Folding a fitted sheet required some savant-like acrobatics that your Mum must have mastered at an early age.
8. UberEATS is a godsend.
9. Your dishes aren’t going to disappear unless you actually, you know, wash them.
10. That the only reason you could find anything in your house was thanks to Mum’s mental Mind Palace, which contained perfect and unlimited recall, and which you did not inherit.
11. Someone has to actually BUY toilet paper.
12. Keeping warm costs money.
13. Kmart is the greatest gift mankind has ever received.
14. Assembling Kmart furniture destroys relationships and will be the doom of mankind.
15. Learning to set an alarm is crucial if you need to be anywhere before 1pm.
16. Budgeting is difficult when 80% of your living expenses are suddenly not ‘on the house.’
17. You find yourself being naked a lot more than necessary (sorry roomies).
18. Returning home to your parents’ house is like staying at The Four Seasons (“Bath salts! Toilet paper! Vegetables!”)
19. Your roommates are now your full-time counsellor.
20. You become really good at raiding Mum’s pantry on family dinner nights (she probs wasn’t using that casserole, cheese wheel or box of Omo right?)
21. You have accepted re-growth as a fact of life (what are we, made of haircuts?)
22. You’ll probably cry at least three times a week over literally nothing (by nothing I mean the bin liner has broken and there is bin juice everywhere and now you have to clean up the bin juice and it smells)
23. You open up a separate savings account for eating out.
24. Your clothes are never going to smell as good as they do when your Mum washes them, no matter how much of her fabric softener you swiped on your last visit (see Step 20)
25. You can finally make a toastie at 4am without anyone judging you.
26. Cleaning your duvet cover is an ordeal, and it’d be easier to just sleep under a big pile of coats.
27. Dusting is not just something that people do in TV dramas. Dust is real.
28. You get a whole new appreciation for the flavour palate of home-brand condiments.
29. No-one will judge you for sitting on the couch eating a tub of ice-cream with a spoon.
30. Dishwashers begin to smell unless you rinse the dishes first.
31. You can’t call dad to come kill a spider (call a housemate, that’s what they’re there for).
32. Just add water products have quickly become your go-to meal.
33. You actually have no idea what 90% of the buttons on the washing machine do.
34. Unpacking the dishwasher is somehow worse than stacking it, but you can’t figure out why.