19 Things That Happen When You’re A Waitress

By Martha Brooke
19th Aug 2016

19 Things That Happen When You’re A Waitress

Waitresses worldwide deserve a knighting from the Queen and a big, shiny medal for the s**t that they put up with. You may think it’s an easy job and a means for paying for Saturday nights on the town, but boy you couldn’t be more wrong. If you have ever waited on or are currently in the restaurant biz, read on, unite with us and let’s fist bump together!   

  1. The please wait to be seated sign gets ignored. It isn’t there for decoration and it miraculously wasn’t waiting for ‘Sonia’ and her gaggle of galpals. If you’re not Kevin Smith for his 7.45pm reservation—get out!
  2. People ask for weekly specials from previous weeks, that obviously don’t exist anymore. ‘Able to handle ridiculous requests from customers’ should be part of the job description. 
  3. Different members of a group booking always insist that they are paying the bill. This will inevitably result in a Wimbledon style argument of back and forth, back and forth, ‘I’m paying’, ‘No, it’s my turn, I insist.’ Just someone give me your damn money!
  4. Groups of seventeen don’t think to book during prime time service.  They will play the ‘Oh but the Urban List wrote about you’ card and smile sweetly but the Robinson family from Wellington aren’t gonna get a table!
  5. Tipping remains an ancient myth. No matter how much you worship the ground your customers walk on or even consider peeling their grapes, they will not think to help fund your on-going shopping addiction with those well-earned, extra dollars. 
  6. People have the audacity to click their fingers, whistle and even call you ‘garcon’ in a patronizing manner. Bite your tongue and try to resist the urge to throw their seafood surprise down their front. 
  7. Pervy, drunk men hit on you. Come on, don’t be gross, granddad. 
  8. Customers assume that you created the menu, decided the prices and that you were probably responsible for overcooking their ‘well done steak’.  *Smh*
  9. The concept of closing time goes out of the window. And for that matter, so does your social life. 
  10. Empty plates never get passed to you to make your life easier. ‘Squeezing through people whilst juggling dirty dishes’ should be a skill on your resume.
  11. Menu substitutions and swappings will make the chef resent you and your tables.  Requesting to swap your salad for bacon will be laughed at. Fact.  
  12. Your home seems like a distant memory. Slow eaters will be the death of me, hurry up and chow down! 
  13. Customers say they are ready to order when they blatantly are not. Whilst I contemplate my life choices, just tell me, do you want chicken or fish! 
  14. Children continue to be gross. End of. 
  15. Hot plates are touched even when you tell them not to. Some people really don’t deserve hands and ears. 
  16. Bulls**t will be your sixth sense. ‘They did it for me last time I came’ and ‘when I asked for the noodle dish without the noodles, they did it for me.’ These are my personal faves and aren’t fooling anyone!
  17. Life choices are questioned and scrutinized by customers who think that they have the right to do so. Sit down, eat your dinner and shut up! 
  18. People’s ability to remember what they ordered twenty minutes ago goes out of the window. Write it on your hand or stick a post it to your forehead, I do not care, just someone take this prawn linguine off me! 
  19. Customers don’t look up from their phones whilst ordering. I have eyes and I am human, pay me some respect! 

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Image credit: A Cinderella Story 

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