Somehow it’s that time of year again, which means the silly season is indeed upon us. And because we love you and don’t want to see you upset about making a big old fool of yourself at the office Christmas party in Auckland, we’ve created a Christmas party no-no cheat sheet.
Print it out, stick it in your wallet, make it your desktop background. Even better, stick it to the office fridge so your workmates get the memo too. Whatever works! Here’s what not to do at your Christmas party.
#1 Choose this occasion to come out of your shell
If your co-workers are used to a placid, friendly soul, don’t use this as an occasion to show them you’re actually a rave-going, all-night partier. The next day looks will be punishment enough.
#2 Play DJ
I know this can be hard to accept, but sometimes people don’t love The Weather Girls as much as you do. Or Las Ketchup, for that matter. Keep it to yourself, lest you end up dancing alone.
#3 Ask for a pay rise
Yes, I know liquid courage brings you into a lovely, dream-like state, but please don’t use this as a platform to prove your worth to Helen in HR.
#4 Give your junior a pep talk
No-one likes the beer-breathing boss telling their colleagues how well they’re doing, a slap on the back and a round of drinks will suffice.
#5 Start a game of ‘I Never’…
Let’s be honest, you know where it’s going to end. And nobody wants to know what you did after a few too many Sambuccas at uni.
Steve in accounts probably isn’t so keen on hearing about your perpetual singledom, or how you don’t know if you’ll ever love someone as much as you love your cat.
#7 Confess your office crush
*Winces* Is there legitimately anything more awkward than a drunken confession? Ever? The stinking air of shame will follow you around like a bad smell for weeks, and you can bet it’s going to be office gossip. Please consider your dignity here.
#8 Dismiss the above and PDA with your office crush
You guuuyyys. What did I just say? The inter-office pash sesh in the corner is enough to have you calling in sick with embarrassment for a month. Don’t let this be you, especially if there are cameras present.
#9 Admit you did Irish Dancing in school and offer a demonstration
ESPECIALLY if you’ve had one too many tequilas and there is a decent chance you’ll slip and have a wardrobe malfunction.
#10 Ignore the dress code…
Clothes are never optional, no matter how much you want to #freethenipple, mmkay?
#11 Poop the party
Figuratively, guys. Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s time to drink that Kool-Aid and get involved! No sitting on the corner on your phone making awkward side-eye allowed.
#12 Drunk dial your co-workers
This coincides with 6, 7, & 8. What is worse than waking up the next day with a full call log and a string of texts asking where they are and what they are doing?
On your boss. Or anyone/anywhere, really.
#14 Drop it like it’s hot with your boss. Seriously.
There could not be a more important rule. If you wouldn’t do it at work, spare yourself the shame and keep that behind to yourself.
#15 Be the first to plaster photos the next day
Look, the first work day post-party is always a tad awkward… Are the bonds still formed? Who knows. Just keep your cool and keep those snaps of your boss twerking hidden until it’s safe.
Right, that’s that. You know what you can’t do. Now go break all of the rules!
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