Horoscopes | Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Greta Waters
31st Oct 2017


Why hello November! You snuck up on us there. We might not have been ready for you, but we have so many questions, like, how many more sleeps until Christmas? We heard you bring more sunshine and less work. You’re alright November, you can stay.

We could get used to this whole end-of-year thing—but let’s talk about you Listers—here’s what you’re *really* in for this week.   


Gems, you’re as cool as a cucumber that’s been left in the fridge by your drunk housemate. We all know you're the first to call the new season trends and drinking hot spots, but you aren’t fooling the charts. It’s time to make an effort and let those around you know how awesome they are. A little bit of kindness goes a long way.  

Grab your bestest bud and devour on a hearty pub feed at one of these top spots.


Cancer, we’ve noticed that you’re drinking an abnormal amount of coffee this week. We’ve also noticed the chocolate wrappers under your pillow. It might only be Tuesday but it’s time to put your skates on and get through the week. Is it going to be easy? Nope. Will it be worth it? Abso-freakin-lutely!

These fabulous flower walks are exactly what you need.


Leo, is that really you? Has your inner-lion turned from metaphorical to physical? Your roar is extra loud this week, and trust us, it is not going unnoticed. Just do us a favour and focus this kick-ass energy into the stuff that matters, and no, binging Stranger Things on Netflix does not count.

Treat yo’ self to a strong drink at Auckland's new pop up brewery.


Your family's considering a name change after your performance last week, Virgo. This week the charts are pointing to your House of Community – fight the f*ck ups by giving back. The universe needs you to pump the breaks and take it slow. Our best piece of advice? Think before you speak.

Why don’t you listen to what we were thinking during the latest Married at First Sight 


Life is all about balance right, Libs? The whole concept quite literally symbolises you. Your stars are asking you to re-evaluate the relationships around you, both friends and lovers—it seems a few are out of whack. The stars are on your side this week, they just want you to google the whole give and take thing.

Take a break from the drama and focus on a new skill. Perhaps your styling game needs some work?


Time for a change of scenery, Scorpios? We can literally see the zzz’s falling out of your ears. It’s time to dip into that juicy money jar that you’ve worked so hard for. The fresh air will align your snoozing chakras. Also, time away from the office will make your boss realise how important you are. *Cough* promotion *cough cough*

These hidden Auckland adventures will defs you that fresh air you've been missing out on. 


Sags, was Kylie Jenner right? Is it the week of, like, ‘realising stuff’? While K-Jen’s cringe vid is seemingly vapid, the universe is on her side. Your brain cogs will be turning, and you will be realising things—whether you like it or not.

If you haven’t already realised, our country is full of awesome things to do. Here's a sample


Caps, pull your trench coat and binoculars out, it’s time to get your spy on! Your charts are predicting a week of secrecy and deceit. Sleep with one eye open, and keep those deep dark secrets close. PS: if black leather pants and turtlenecks are more your thang, go for it. Spies don’t discriminate.

One thing that's not a secret, Cafe Mont does some seriously good treats.


Aquarius, you're surrounded by money. But as quick as you make it, you spend it. We know you love eating out as much as we do, but rent is due next week and you can’t ignore your Afterpay any longer. Next time, think before you tap.

We would NEVER tell you to stop eating out, but saving moolah doesn't have to be hard. Especially if you're making your own halloumi fries at home.


Pisces, if you were any shallower we would stick you in the kiddies' pool. It’s time to consider a dive into the deep end and contemplate what really matters. The universe is asking you to look past the greasy hair and two-sizes-too-small t-shirt and focus on the inside stuff. Remember the outside stuff can be changed.

While you’re doing that, we will be making our way down this tasty list.


Aries—listens to Rocky soundtrack once… kicks 100 life goals in a week. The universe knows how committed you are. Why not commit to the cute barista you share eyes with every morning? Commitment looks good on you, rock it!

Just like you're committed to your old pair of chucks, we hear they've got some fresh kicks to launch.


Taurus, it’s time to take a step back and appreciate the small stuff, those simple life pleasures. Like completing a task before the microwave hits zero or laughing at your own jokes. You’re in serious need of a chill pill.

Being a student is some seriously stressful stuff. We totes relate: 10 things every student tells themselves this exam season

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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