30 Steps To Becoming A True Sunshine Coaster

By Trixie Hillen
22nd Nov 2016

People say that Queenslanders are just a little… well, different.

But, if Queenslanders are a breed apart, then Sunshine Coast locals are a different species altogether. In a good way, though. Think of the rest of Australia as a yellow-footed swamp wallaby, scratching around in the scrub, while we’re a mighty Red Kangaroo, standing tall against a magnificent sunset, majestically scratching its massive, swinging… well, you get the picture.

So whether you’re a long time local, or a recent blow-in, check out the qualities you need to acquire be a true Sunshine Coaster.

1. Acknowledge that the Big Pineapple is the pinnacle of all of Australia’s “big” things. Suck it Big Prawn!

2. Acquire an in-depth knowledge of craft beer.

3. Get really good at tailgating (bonus points if you think it’s necessary when you’re on a single lane road and there’s half a dozen cars in front of you, all going at the speed limit).

4. Apparently lose all sense of rationality when it comes to election time.

5. Quit smoking—the Sunshine Coast has the lowest smoking rate in all of Queensland.

6. Develop insanely high coffee standards. You should be able to identify the difference between Colombian single origins at 20 paces.

7. NEVER, ever, ever go to Gympie. It revokes your Sunshine Coast residency. Apparently.

8. Work on your moustache game. We have high expectations.

9. Put on weight. Two thirds of us are above a healthy weight. Or buck the trend and sign up with the best personal trainers on the Sunshine Coast!

10. Camp at Inskip Point and laugh derisively at anyone who warns you about sinkholes.

11. Secretly be a bit scared of the sinkhole at the Inskip Point campground. I mean, it ate a f**king CARAVAN!

12. Originally come from somewhere else (preferably Sydney, Melbourne, or Auckland).

13. Consider starting a food truck, ironically selling “homestyle” food that your 10-year-old niece can cook. (Hint: mac‘n’cheese is good.)

14. Build your tolerance to hipsters.

15. Get really good at predicting storms.

16. Pretend that the lightning bolts in your backyard are NBD when really, you can’t WAIT to post your amaaaaaazing pics on Insta. #skyporn

17. Develop a serious addiction to pulled pork sliders. (Which is lucky, because those little bastards are EVERYWHERE!)

18. Wear a flower crown to music festivals.

19. Wear a flower crown for your hen’s night.

20. Wear a flower crown for your wedding.

21. Go to a flower crown making workshop because you can’t afford to keep buying flower crowns.

22. Develop a hardcore immunity to sea lice. Trust us, you’ll need it.

23. When one of your friends is heading to Sydney or Melbourne, you have a mile-long list of things for them to pick up from H&M and Zara.

24. Learn yoga.

25. Learn to SUP.

26. Attempt to combine the two with SUP yoga, fail miserably, then go back to lying on the beach. That shit is HARD.

27. Learn to love kale. Seriously, just accept it.

28. Sing the praises of our gorgeous, hot sunny weather and indulge in a bit of day-drinking.

29. Curse our unbearable hot, sunny weather as you wake up with a dry mouth, pounding headache, and it’s already 33C at 8.30am.

30. Throw away all your scarves. And boots. And jackets. Then spend about a month around July/August bitching to anyone who’ll listen that Queensland “just isn’t designed for cold weather”.

Image Credit: Daniel Hine for Metropolist

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