So you live on the Sunshine Coast and find your current relationship status to be “single”? Whether you are on the lookout for a partner ASAP or are (pretending to be) happy to fly solo, passing the time can suck when you don’t have a ready-made partner in crime to do stuff with.
The best way to distract yourself from your lonely, lonely life is to either desperately try to meet someone or manically fill your day with harebrained activities.
Here’s where we can help, with a cracking list of 25 things to do on the Sunshine Coast if you’re single. You ready for it?
1. Pay for the Seal Encounter at Underwater World, take a selfie with the seals and hashtag it #squadgoals.
2. Make a playlist featuring only Adele and Tay Tay songs and play it on repeat for a week straight until you hate EVERYONE WHO EVER DATED THEM and WHOEVER THOUGHT DATING WAS A GOOD IDEA IT’S TERRIBLE.
3. Netflix and chill by yourself. If you’re going to do this for more than six hours at a time, use some kind of lubricant or you’ll get terrible chaffing.
4. Spend $300 on some badass active wear before embarking on
a brutal physical and mental challenge some light exercise by scaling Mount Coolum.
5. Cruise down Hastings Street with a Massimo’s ice-cream, finger shooting all the good-lookin’ people.
6. Go paddle boarding with a cute dog. If you haven’t picked up at least half a dozen beach babes in the first hour, you’re doing it wrong, homeslice.
7. Re-enact Drake’s Hotline Bling film clip in Rebel Sport.
8. Do a Spirit House cooking class while wearing a flamingo t-shirt that says, ‘Single and ready to flamingle’.
9. Rub Nutella all over your underpants and go to a dog park. Just try it.
10. Put on some heart-shaped sunglasses and go to listen to some choons at the UpFront Club in Maleny.
11. Use Reddit to arrange a zombie walk across the Palmer Coolum Golf Course on a busy Sunday. If the rich old blokes refuse to get out of your way, literally feast on their flesh.
12. When you go to jail for that last thing, use all that free time to write your memoirs.
13. Boost your own body image by hanging out at Alexandria Bay nudie beach where, let’s just say, you’ll see a lot more SAG than SWAG.
14. Every time you go to your local café, make your coffee order more wanky than the last. See how many consecutive days you can keep this up. It will be easy for the first couple of weeks, but once you’ve advanced past the likes of ‘triple caramel soy macchiato with a quarter shot of coffee, served at 49 degrees’ it starts to become genuinely difficult to maintain the wankiness.
15. Head to an awesome gig at Solbar. Take a notepad with you. Write down your thoughts about the act so people assume you’re an important music critic. Someone is likely to sleep with you purely for that reason. Hell, the band will probably sleep with you.
16. Petition the State Government to merge the Sunny Coast, Brisbane and the Gold Coast into a megacity called Golden Circle Sunshine Punch.
17. Wear sunglasses (preferably heart-shaped) to late-night shopping at Sunshine Plaza. You will exude a ‘mysterious douchebag’ vibe that some people find very attractive.
18. Start a running club called the ‘Cameltoe Cadre’ whose members all have to wear ultra-tight Lycra shorts.
19. Change your Facebook status to ‘It’s complicated’ then post 100s of photos of you playing Fallout 4 on Xbox.
20. Spend six months sneaking into Australia Zoo at night and teaching the wombats to breakdance battle the Tassie devils (this may take up to three years depending on how smart the particular animals are). When they are drilled to a professional level, have them perform for Bindi. She’ll be so impressed she will take you on as her personal assistant/choreographer.
21. Dress as a Minotaur, cover yourself in fake blood and run around the Bellingham Maze terrorising people.
22. Start a campaign to change the name of the Glasshouse Mountains to ‘The Lovely Lady Lumps of Sunny Coast’.
23. Start a campaign to have a 700-foot high wall built at Kin Kin to keep the wildlings (people from Maryborough, Bundaberg etc.) out.
24. Start a campaign to get Jon Bon Jovi to perform at the Duporth Tavern next Melbourne Cup day in a pair of jeans that are four sizes too small for him.
25. Tweet at Clive Palmer every single day until he makes you your own personal ‘goodbye’ video.
Image Credit: Pinterest