There’s nothing we love more than watching the entire Sunshine Coast turn into The Hunger Games. And there’s nothing you guys love more than sitting on the toilet for four hours flicking through Instagram (okay fine, we love doing it too).
So, we had a brainfart—why not marry the two in a fun game we like to call We Tried Not To Be Too Mean? Here’s where we tell you what your Instagram looks like based on what suburb you live in. We know, you’re scared, but don’t be. It’s all factual.
Eli | 35 | Vegan | Did I mention I’m Vegan? | I don’t have cancer BECAUSE I’m Vegan
I post statistics about the health benefits of Veganism and a raw food diet. You’ll also see me pop up in the comments section of Kylie Jenner’s photos telling everyone about how the Illuminati are trying to control their minds.
Paul | 28 | Fishing | Hunting | 4WDing | Moto X
I love posting photos of myself smiling next to a dead animal or with some form of muddy vehicle. Oh would you look at that? Another picture of my bogged Patrol!
Sue has no bio because her children haven’t taught her how to do that yet. She posts photos of flowers at close range, her Maltese x Shih Tzu, her three adult children and unflattering, upward-facing selfies of her and her husband on a P&O cruise.
Jess | Mummy To Willow & Archie | Wifey To Chris | Brand Rep
My entire feed is just pictures of my children, or me holding my children or someone else holding my children. I always use the hashtag #mumlife because my life is a series of classic #mumlife moments. My Instagram story is basically just me holding a coffee talking about how much I’ll die without it, and one day my children will thank me for exploiting them in exchange for free clothes.
Clayton (Boys Call Me C-Rod) | Fitness Is Life | Gym Is Life | Gains Are Life | Pre-Workout Is Life
I don’t own a t-shirt, and 90% of the pictures I post are just me in the Goodlife lift mirror. I like to caption my photos with meaningful messages like ‘Leg day’.
Cassie | 18 | Studying A Bachelor Of Nursing | Can’t Live Without My Boyfriend Of Three Weeks
I love posting inspirational quotes and nightclub pictures with the caption ‘About Last Night’ written underneath. I also speak completely in acronyms.
June and Brian have a shared account. Their bio is a bible verse, and they have no display picture. They have no ACTUAL pictures on their feed, they just follow all their grandchildren and comment things like “U r so funny Josephine ha ha. Lots of luv Nan and Pop”.
Drew | 20 | DJ | House Music Is My Vibe | Saturdays Are For The Boys
My entire feed is literally just me at clubs, broken up with a few posters of my upcoming gigs.
Callum | 27 | Photographer, Surfer & Traveller | Van life | *Insert Rumi Quote Here*
Because I’m a photographer my photos are super good, even if they are all of my mates surfing. I like to use film because modern day cameras are inauthentic and take away from the essence of life.
Sheldon | 42 | I Love Golf, My Kids And My Wife
Although I don’t really know how to use Instagram, I DO know how to upload photos. I like to post a picture of every meal I eat, every golf game I play and every piano recital my daughter has.
Scott | 32 | I Love My Subie More Than I Love My Girlfriend
I post pictures of my hotted-up Suburu Liberty and refer to it as ‘my girl’. I don’t post anything else, because nothing else matters.
Elle | 24 | Aquarius With A Sun In Leo | Yoga Teacher | Crystal Healer
I post pictures of my acai bowls, my 18-year-old rescue dog called Eckhart Tolle and my captions are a running commentary of what the moon is doing.
Summer | 21 | Model At @theagencymydaddypaid
I get sent things like tanning oil and bikinis for free because I have a thigh gap and a good tan. I always document my walk to Hell’s Gate every morning and when I post my bikini shots I make sure to tag every brand I’m wearing and tell everyone they can get a 20% discount at Daniel Wellington if they use the code MYNAME20.
Like a good laugh? We'll also tell you What Car You Drive Based On Which Sunshine Coast Suburb You Live In.
Image credit: Unsplash