Funny

Game Of Thrones For Dummies: 11 Things You Need To Know Before Watching Season 6

By Jessica Pridmore - 29 Mar 2016

Game of Thrones season 6

Guys. Winter is coming. For anyone in the grips of Game of Thrones, this is the news we’ve been waiting for; GOT season six is coming to our screens, and it’s all kinds of F-ED UP! If you’re late to the GOT bandwagon, where have you been? You’ve missed a lot. I mean a lot a lot. I’m in deep and I still don’t really know what’s going on if I’m being honest.

In a world where summers last decades and winters span a lifetime, people die and rules don’t mean squat. There are giant dragons, ancient bloodlines, and someone always wants to kill somebody else; it’s downright gripping!

If for some insane reason, you don’t want to watch bulk episodes in a marathon catch up sesh, here’s a helpful round up of 11 things you absolutely need to know before sitting down to season six, episode 1 of Game Of Thrones.

 

1.Your favourite characters WILL die. Fact.

Don’t get attached, folks, no one is safe in Westeros. An entire bloodline can be slayed in a 50-minute episode, and you won’t ever see it coming. Save on the tissues, it’s best to stay indifferent…

2. The chick with the dragons means business.

Danerys Targaryen, living descendant of the ancient royal Valyrian bloodline, has been busy taking over the Eastern world while men squabble over the throne. With her three lorry-sized dragons (they like to eat goats and sometimes people), her army of 8,000 warriors, and her fire retardant abilities, there’s not much that can stop her.

3. Everyone wants to rule from the Iron Throne.

Whoever rules from the Iron Throne rules the seven kingdoms of Westeros. No pressure. With power lust a real issue in this world (practically everyone has made/is scheming up a play for the top billing). If by a stroke of genius someone takes the throne, with it comes a giant ‘x’ on their back. I’ll stick to my day job, thanks.

4. White Walkers.

An army of un-dead uber zombies resembling scruffy abominable snowmen, you’ll hear the term ‘white walkers’ touted a lot round Westeros. Trouble with this is, no one really knows what they are, what they want, or what will happen if they make it south over the ‘wall’. All we do know is that this outcome would be VERY bad. Chalk it up to suspense…

5. There’s a huge wall of ice separating north from south.

Said ‘wall’ keeps out the aforementioned White Walkers, functioning as a military base for the world’s waifs and strays, and is the barrier between civilisation (i.e the rest of Westeros), and the wild north. Note to self; you never ever want to find yourself on the wrong side of the wall. That would not be good for you.

6. Jon Snow.

The bastard child of a murdered king (Sean Bean we love you!), Jon has had it rough since episode one. Much of his family has been killed off, with his remaining siblings scattered amongst the land; be it holed up in magical talking trees, or being held captive by a man with a penchant for torture and hostile takeovers, or going rogue with a new identity. He’s also devilishly handsome, a dab hand at this whole leadership malarkey, great in a sword fight, likes to hang out at ‘the wall’ and may or may not have been killed off at the end of season five. We actually have no idea… Watch this space.

7. The Red Queen.

What’s her deal? NFI. All you need to know is that she stirs the pot a fair bit and has seduced a hot contender to the Iron Throne, basically controlling his army. Tough break. She also gives birth to really frightening shadow babies. She’s a real piece of work.

8. The Lannisters: rotten to the core.

The family who murder together, stay together, amiright? Currently strong-holding the Iron Throne, with the help of some strategic, not-so-secret inbreeding, a passion for blood-lust and a knack for holding on to a grudge, this is one family not to cross.

9. Know Your Noble Houses

The key houses govern the lands of Westeros, cutting up the landscape from north to south. While it would be helpful to list the characters belonging to each house, frankly, there are far too many to remember, so we’ve made this handy list of the need to knows. So helpful!

The North: Ruled by House of Stark of Winterfell

The Isles and Rivers: Ruled by House Hoare of Castle Harrenhal

The Mountain and the Vale: Ruled by House Arryn of The Eyrie

The Stormlands: Ruled by House Durrandon of Storm's End

The Rock: Ruled by House Lannister of Casterly Rock

Principality of Dorne: ruled by House Martell of Sunspear

The Reach: Ruled by House Gardener of Highgarden

Phew! What a list.

10. Littlefinger is responsible for many a murder.

One constant found in practically every storyline, no matter how complicated? Mr Petr ‘Littlefinger’ Baelish. Basically the worst person in the world–worse than something you’d pick off the bottom of your shoe–this man has no moral compass and plenty of blood on his hands. Somehow he manages to weasel his way into the lives of some of our most loved characters, and it will make your blood boil at their utter naivety sometimes! We’ve no idea what he’s up to (the Iron Throne, obvs) but you know it’s not good, that’s for damn sure.

11. Oh, and there’s loads of blood.

Like, loads. In every episode. All the time. But you knew that, right?

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

You May Also Like