When you’re a kid, Christmas Day is without question the best day of the year. Why? Because it’s FRICKEN CHRISTMAS DAY and everything about it is awesome!
As you get older and the thought of getting a bunch of presents from a magical fat man doesn’t quite make you lose your shit as much as it once did, you learn to appreciate December 25 for a variety of more nuanced reasons. Okay, they’re probably not very nuanced.
Here are 25 of the best things about Christmas Day.
1. The way lunch never really ends and just kind of merges into dinner.
2. Somehow getting an afternoon nap in WITHOUT stopping eating.
3. Backyard cricket where no mercy is shown to small children or the elderly. So what, you’re six years old? That’s not going to stop me going all Mitchell Johnson on your ass.
4. Having a cheeky look at Tinder to see what other losers are trying to pick up on Christmas Day.
5. Turning on the telly to see if they’re showing the same movies as they showed when you were a kid. Answer’s the same as last year: yup.
6. The Christmas miracle that makes cheap bubbly taste pretty damn good for one day a year. Asti Riccadonna anybody?
7. For kids, a license to run wild. For adults, it somehow becomes acceptable to ignore all kid-related responsibilities. “You want to eat rumballs for dinner, my child? I don’t see why not. If you start to get too drunk, have a coffee to sober up.”
8. Watermelon. There’s always watermelon involved.
9. The Christmas cracker jokes that are so abysmally bad that you become genuinely concerned about the mental health of the person who wrote them.
10. That one person who’s too cool to wear the paper hat from their cracker until they are eventually beaten down by peer pressure.
11. That one person who has to work part of the day but then gets to make a grand entrance to cheers and adulation, like the King of Siam!
12. The way “salad” on Christmas Day means something different to what it means every other day. Instead of a few mixed veggies with a dressing, every salad is a meal in itself—basically a delicious work of art.
13. Devouring glazed ham knowing that you will still be eating it in four days’ time…and being totally okay with that.
14. Getting drunk and pashing on with your hot cousin when you’re alone in the kitchen. Wait, that’s not a thing? AHAHA I was just kidding then. AHAHAHA.
15. Entering into an elaborate conspiracy with all the other adults which involves not just lying to children about the existence of a red-suited night caller, but actually fabricating evidence to prove he visited.
16. The beach makes everything better. Whether your family spends the whole day obnoxiously taking up a huge area of sand as you eat, drink and wallow, or if you sneak off on your own for a quick dip in the morning, the beach is the best!
17. Presents! No matter how cool you try to play it, it’s still just as exciting getting a bunch of presents as when you were a kid.
18. The way the family pet is initially very excited by all the activity, then gets freaked out by the odd human behaviour before eventually becoming bored with all your ridiculousness and going off for a snooze.
19. That weird habit older women have of not ripping the wrapping paper, then folding it up to use next time like it’s still the Great Depression.
20. The way no matter what combination of fruit is put on the pavlova, it’s always bloody amazing.
21. You can always rely on a certain uncle to get drunk, but it’s often the surprise boozer who is the most fun. “What the hell is grandma doing with the cat? Holy moly, she is DRUNK this year!”
22. Epic family fights that threaten to go nuclear but then just fade out as people realise it’s too hot and they are too full of food for such malarkey.
23. Listening to the latest Christmas album by the hottest new act and realising nothing will ever match Human Nature’s Christmas Album.
24. That special way of cooking prawns your dad/grandfather has that he truly believes is the only legit way to cook them.
25. Your shoddily made, ugly-ass Christmas decorations from primary school that still feature prominently on the tree.