People are always ragging on winter for being the cold soulless hole on the seasonal calendar when really it’s summer that’s the stuff of nightmares. Or it would be, at least, if we weren’t awake all night boiling in our own sweat.
Here are 27 reasons summer is the worst season ever.
- There are people EVERYWHERE. It’s like school holidays on crack.
- Making ends meet is basically impossible because you have to set a fan up in every room of the house so your power bills are through the bloody roof.
- There’s nothing good on telly.
- You have to remove hair from your body more than bi-annually.
- There’s cricket on telly.
- If you’re a pale person who looks shit in hats, you have to choose between looking like a weirdo in a wide brim fedora or wearing sunscreen and going sans makeup.
- Public transport after 12pm smells like the pits of hell.
- There is never not sand in your car.
- You have to pack a change of clothes if you walk to work you so don’t schlep around the office in a puddle of sweat, smelling like a skip bin.
- Every night you experience the impossible balancing act of being too hot for blankets in bed but feeling like you’re going to be murdered if you have no blankets on.
- Your morning coffee basically gives you heat stroke.
- People keep asking you to do stuff with them on the weekend.
- You can’t catch a last-minute movie because everyone is at the cinema trying not to die.
- Driving is basically out of the question because the steering wheel keeps pulling skin off your hands.
- You literally have nothing to wear because your style is ‘layers’.
- People have to see more of your body than you’re comfortable with.
- YOU have to see more of your skin than you’re comfortable with.
- You have to set an entire day aside to see if last season’s bathers fit and then have a cry because they don’t.
- You have to pretend to be crazy about ~fresh fruit~ for like three months.
- You’re either feeling shit that you didn’t achieve last year’s New Year’s resolution or that you’ve already ruined your new one.
- You hate yourself for like twelve weeks because summer came around too fast and you forgot to get abs again.
- You have to see people all over Instagram who did remember to get abs.
- You undo all of your hard work over the last year and get addicted to frozen cokes again.
- Every time you go to the beach you have to double check with your friends that you’re not swimming to make sure you’re good to wear makeup.
- People start thinking it’s ok to go barefoot everywhere.
- Your feet turn to husks because you go barefoot everywhere.
- The sun punishes you for going outside by literally burning your flesh and you waste most of your holidays on Google searching “how to get rid of sunburn in two hours”.
Image credit: Vicko Mozara