Over here at The Urban List, we want our readers to know what's in store for them for the week ahead. So we're bringing you horoscopes for real people - who want their cosmic predictions with a side of honesty. Here are your horror-scopes, including suggestions for where to drown those mystical sorrows when you find out what you're *really* in for this week.
Big things are coming your way this week – so expect drastic change. Your career life is taking a turn, and you’re starting to mix things up a bit. You’ve also been feeling a bit underwhelmed by your daily life, so we just suggest upping your social gain. Grab your mates and explore what Melbs has to offer!
Where you need to go this week: Here are some places to indulge without breaking the bank.
Aries, we know you’ve been ignoring your health recently. You’ve been getting a bit too liberal with that vino, and your gym visits are continuing to decline in frequency. Now we’re not saying to stop yourself from having a good time – but do tread carefully. You don’t want to face the struggle of trying to do up those skinny jeans.
Where you need to go this week: For food that’s as healthy as it is pretty, check out this cracking venue!
Your stars are aligning once again, so now’s your time to carpe diem! Channel those good vibes into your social life, and you will be rewarded for it. This week you’ll be appreciated by your loved ones (finally). To celebrate, we suggest chugging back some of those much-needed bevvies. We know the espresso martinis are calling your name.
Where you need to go this week: We’ve found your ultimate cocktail venue.
Love is feeling happy this week – about time, hey? While it may seem like love’s been a bit complicated in the last month, things are looking up. But don’t be pushy. Let it develop at its own pace. So don’t waste those ‘super likes’ on Tinder.
Where you need to go this week: Start looking date-ready thanks to these guys.
Your 3rd house of communication is at its peak, so you’re the ultimate social butterfly. In your quest to meet up with everyone under the sun, don’t forget to prioritise other aspects of your life too. Your career might be a bit unstable - maybe focus some energy into that.
Where you need to go this week: This is the perfect place to have some downtime.
Mars has moved into your 6th house this month, making it an excellent time to go job hunting! And let’s face it, it’s time for a change. Take a risk and broaden your horizons – there’s only so long you can play Angry Birds under your desk for.
Where you need to go this week: Think about your career while spending some time eating the finer things in life.
Virgo, word on the street is you’re having some stresses in the love department. Try not to mull things over for too long. If the fretting is getting too much to handle, it’s probably time to put what’s getting you down in the past. Buy yourself a useless purchase to help you feel better. Maybe those reflective sunnies?
Where you need to go this week: Get inspired here.
Someone is feeling a need for romance this week, and you’ll find that the opportunity may present itself when you least expect it. Keep a special eye out when roaming around libraries and bookstores, your Tinderella may be closer than the GPS tracker says.
Where you need to go this week: Here’s some things to keep you busy while searching for your other half.
Scorpio, it’s time to take matters into your own hands. You’ve been surrounded by a lot of negative energy lately, and a bunch of peeps who are bringing you down. Ain’t nobody got time for that. It’s time to take a leaf out of Katy Perry’s book and rise. You’ve got more important things to do with your time.
Where you need to go this week: Cheer yourself up at this snazzy venue.
You’ve got to stop binging on burgers, Sagittarius. While they make for the perfect comfort food – things aren’t going to fix themselves by packing on the winter weight. We suggest getting back in the groove of things, and your health is a good place to start.
Where you need to go this week: This place will have you back to your ultimate hotness level.
Your financial planet is going into retrograde – which means you have to be a bit more cautious with your spendings this week. People are also irritating you these past few days, so it might be time to crawl into hibernation. Get those Netflix and Spotify subscriptions at the ready, they are necessary for survival.
Where you need to go this week: Home, it’s the only place you’ll be at peace.
You’ve been working incredibly hard these past few weeks, so you deserve to kick back and relax. Maybe a weekend getaway will do the trick? Grab your mates and get ready for an adventure, you deserve it. And take some booze for the road (for after you park, obvs).
Where you need to go this week: This is the ultimate place to snap up some ‘grammable moments with your pals.
Need more suggestions to deal with your week ahead? Search our Directory for the best of Melbourne.
Compiled by Mona Chatskin. Image Credit: Twyla Skeggs @Twylamae