Horoscopes: Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Mona Chatskin
16th Aug 2016


Over here at The Urban List, we want our readers to know what's in store for them for the week ahead. So we're bringing you horoscopes for real people - who want their cosmic predictions with a side of honesty. Here are your horror-scopes, including suggestions for where to drown those mystical sorrows when you find out what you're *really* in for this week.


You’re in for a steep road, Pisces. Things are not going to be easy for the next few days, and you might feel a little strain on your wellbeing. There’s a lot of change happening around you – which you seem hesitant to embrace. If you take things as they come you may feel a little calmer, just a tip. Or chug down a couple frothies after work – that’ll also do the trick. 

Where you need to go this week: This bar will deffs help you unwind.


We know you like being in the centre of everyone’s business. But it is well and truly time to take a step back and focus on your own issues, instead of what your mates are up to. Try keep busy and focus on your intelligence this week. Maybe grab a new book to read? Keep a low profile, otherwise that sticky beak could get you in trouble. 

Where you need to go this week: Keep busy by checking out these drinking destinations.


Good news, Taurus. Those great vibes from last week are still holding strong for you, so keep reeling in that positivity! Since the stars are all working in your favour, why don’t you take a risk and make a bold move? We hear there’s a certain someone you’ve been wanting to confess your feelings to…

Where you need to go this week: Embrace your good energy to do something good for others. 


You’ve been bottling up your emotions for a while now, and that might have something to do with Venus going into retrograde. This introverted attitude will have you feeling a little lonely. We suggest keeping those negative feelings at bay by treating yourself. Go on, buy that $7 cold drip filtered coffee, you deserve it.

Where you need to go this week: Check out this place for the ultimate feed. 


Oh baby, Jupiter is on its last leg of transit. So that means it’s a great time to seize some opportunities – be it in your career or social life. You’ll be presented with a bunch of changes to help you better your friendships - so make the most of it. Don’t hog that bottle of sparkling all for yourself, share it with your mates!

Where you need to go this week: Impress your pals with this snazzy DIY trick. 


Things have been a bit quiet in the love department as of late. But you can’t hide in your room watching Netflix forever – it’s time to put yourself back out there! So hit the gym, tighten those buns, and spruce yourself up.  The luurve department is waiting for you. And no, making your Tinder pics different to what you look like in person doesn’t count.

Where you need to go this week: Get your groove on here while waiting for the one. 


This week your twelfth house is ruling your subconscious, Virgo. That means your usual creative self is feeling even more imaginative. Channel that inner energy and get inspired! Are you an unknown master of the pen? A budding Picasso? The next Queen Bee? Work on a new hobby and see where it takes you.

Where you need to go this week: These creative dishes will be sure to have you feeling inspired. 


Libra, you know it kills us when you turn into a stress head. Yet you’ve done it again. You need to loosen up! Just because you like to keep things fair, it doesn’t mean you can control every detail of your life. Go with the flow. Buy that bag you’ve been eyeing. Skol that cocktail. Book that holiday you’ve been dreaming of. It’s time to freakin’ chillax. 

Where you need to go this week: Start your relaxation transformation here


Bloody finally, you’re done with the losing streak Scorpio! The stars are aligning splendidly and you’re going to reap the benefits from it. Basically, whatever it is you set your mind to this month, your chances of getting it have totally lifted. Be it that promotion you’ve been hoping for, the cutie you’ve been eyeing, or that burger you’re craving. Go get ‘em.

Where you need to go this week: Why not treat yoself here


Oh no, Sagittarius. It seems you might be catching the end of that winter flu season. Best to stay inside and hibernate with a ‘cuppa, that way you’ll get better sooner rather than later. Use this time to get back into a positive mental state, and rejuvenate out of that winter slump. 

Where you need to go this week: Grab your take away fix and snuggle up in bed. 


This is a month of turnarounds for you. You’re getting a bit sick of those endless routines, and this is your time to mix things up. These changes are also crucial to your development, and will heavily impact your finances. Think logically and carefully before you make these decisions, g’luck.

Where you need to go this week: : Find some goodies to mix things up in your crib from these awesome places. 


Your romantic life is having a little turbulence this week, and that’s impacting badly on your emotions. Don’t let it interfere with other realms of your life, though. Channel the right energy and you’ll be stronger for it - don't give up on your Tinderella! Visiting the local for a bevvie may help too. 

Where you need to go this week: You’ll find your spirits lifting once you set foot in this eatery. 

Need more suggestions to deal with your week ahead? Search our Directory for the best of Melbourne.

Compiled by Mona Chatskin. Image Credit: Twyla Skeggs @Twylamae

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