Horoscopes | Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Kate Bartels
5th Dec 2017


Ahh December, the time of year where you find yourself tossing up between another hungover Monday at work and having one of these mysterious summer bods. The cosmos really wants (most of you) to give yourself some lovin' this week. We just can't figure out if that means one more drink or one more hour of cardio.

Shrugs. You decide. 


We know how you’re feeling guys. You’re wondering if you’ll be stuck watching Love Actually alone (again) this Christmas. The stars want you to take a chill pill, be your own bae and work on your self-love. It’s not the time for self-reflection, it’s time for a cocktail and the hottest outfit you own. Go get it.

If a lavish holiday is your way of sorting out all that self-discovery, then you need to check out how you can holiday twice a year.


You know how you stand in front of the mirror and ask the universe for overnight abs? This week you might just be in luck. Believe it or not, Capris, but magic is in the air. Go visit your Nana for some good karma—you might just have your wishes come true. (One-way tickets to Europe are our wish suggestion.)

Magic is sketchy though, so maybe skip the good deeds and head to this fancy AF lobster and champers bar instead.


We know, we know—you’re always right. Why can’t everyone see the world like you do? Bla bla bla. For once the universe is letting everyone see you as less bossy Bill and more boss bitch. This is your time to force all the opinions on people without being open-palm slapped.

While you’re on your soapbox, let your friends know about that glamping trip you should all take.


Lately you’ve been feeling like a triangle trying to squeeze through a circle in this big ol’ world, but this is the week to let your fabulous goddess out and be your best damn self. Chuck on those glitter boots and rainbow sunnies. 

If you need juuuust the right place to flaunt your new-found individuality, Mozambique is the perfect spot.


You didn’t hear it from us, but the cosmos is giving you permission to break the rules and live life on the edge this week. Yeah, getting in trouble might not put you at the top of Santa’s nice list, but we reckon it’s worth it. You naughty thing, you.

The easiest way to feel a little bit bad is probably to drink fairy floss topped hot chocolate till you self-combust.  Hash Specialty Coffee and Roasters have you sorted.


You lucky ducks have some sort of guardian angel action happening this week. If ever there was a time to send that risky text to your ex, this is it.  Oh also, buy that pair of boots, hell—ask your boss for a bonus! Nothing can go wrong, guys. The angels have you covered.

Speaking of living life on the edge—a weekend away at the Adina Hotel is the perfect YOLO idea.


Oh little Gems, you guys get a bad wrap with the multiple personalities and all that jazz. And this week is no different. Your stars are telling you to sort your s**t out and not tear your Gemini storm through every room you enter. Harsh but true, soz.

If there’s some Gemini storm damage that needs repairing, we suggest Koko Black’s new Christmas Range to smooth things over.


You’ve been a bit more sassy than usual. Yep, we have alllll noticed. But luckily for you (and everyone else around) those huffs and puffs are coming to an end. You are finally able to see the sunshine in your day. Yay you!

A bright brekky from Blendco is gonna go great with that fresh new outlook. 


The stars want one thing and one thing only from you this week—chill the F out! We know, the struggle is real and you’d rather be on a beach in Greece, but just take a chill pill this week guys. After us: inhale, exhale.

We’re pretty sure that it’s scientifically proven that tucking into a good souva from Spitaki is the key to relaxation.


This week the power of the cosmos is flowing through your body, and it wants you to make your mark on this big bad world. Now's the time to let everyone around you know how bloody great you really are. Go on, do it.

While you’re busy becoming Insta famous or whatever, make sure you brush up on your chopsticks rendition, because pop-up public pianos are coming to Melbourne.


Tell us, Libras, why are there so many damn decisions to be made allll the time? We can feel your frustration and we’re here to help. The stars are (literally) aligning, and we have a feeling things will just fall into place for you this week. Easy Peasy.

Drag your mates to Pixel Bar where you can try out this lucky streak while chowing down on some nachos. Win, win.


The urge to splurge has been very, very real lately, but this week you're excused. Thank you, stars!! So order the desert, you have literally just been given permission. We’re not to blame for that extra gym sesh though... 

Get your buttery, chocolatey hit of deliciousness at The Stables of Como. Order the Nutella Gelato Croissant. Yes thanks.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

Get our top stories direct to your inbox.

Get our top stories direct to your inbox.