It’s bloody hot out, and the struggle is too real for those of us without air conditioners. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and for too long you’ve had to sit there in your jocks just hoping for that cool change to blow in.
Well fear not, because it’s time for you to beat that heat once and for all.
Here are 8 ways to stay cool this summer.
Go To Dan Murphy’s
Nothing quite beats walking into the walk-in fridge at Dan’s on a 30+ degree day. The best part is that you’ll generally leave with a big old slab of the frostiest beers they have on offer. Win win.
Make A Pool In Your Bin
The council have been so kind as to give you your very own wheely bins that double as a super convenient pool. Grab yourself some plastic, line that sucker, then fill it with ice (that you’ve procured from your Dan’s visit) and whack on the hose. Make sure you keep some cans at arms length.
I guess you could do the same with your bath, but that sounds boring.
Get In The Fridge
It’s very true when you hear someone say that The Simpsons have thought of everything—I guess if you’re on the air for 30 years then you’re bound to cover most topics. Anyway, Homer and Bart set up a tent in front of their fridge one hot summer, so why not do the same? Sure your electricity supplier will give you a proper gouging but at least you’ll be cool for a day.
Invest In An Ice Vest
Don’t let elite athletes have all the fun, spend some of your hard-earned on this summer’s must-have fashion item. An ice vest is exactly what you need to survive the gruelling heat this summer. Simply put it on, sit on your couch and watch whatever you feel like. Zero regrets.
Go Back In Time And Buy One Of Those Hats With A Fan In The Brim
The ultimate statement piece. Is it just me, or were people way smarter in the 90’s? Here we are in 2016 and we really should be wearing these as a standard issues headdress, but no, we wander about with big, heavy, brimmed hats with zero fans attached. No good.
Jump In The Yarra
Actually, on second thought, don’t do that.
Head To IceBar
There’s a bar in Fitzroy called IceBar that does exactly what it says on the box. You’ll put on some cold weather gear and venture into a bar made of ice. See if you can break the record and last more than 7.5 hours.
Find A Mate With Air Conditioning And Invite Yourself Over
Turning up unannounced is a magnificent strategy really. Maybe bring some beer or wine to cushion the blow that you’ll actually be staying there for a couple of weeks. Also make sure you turn the temperature down to below 10° so you can throw yourself under a doona as well.
Do you actually need to leave the house? Well here are 50 things you can do this summer that are actually quite good.