Where To Have Brunch This Weekend Based On Your Star Sign

By Millie Lester
9th Mar 2018


Well, Jupiter's third moon has entered the sun paddock of Pisces’ twelfth galaxy, which means indecisive people require a firm sense of direction...err, we think. Fortunately, our in-house astrology master/night cleaner has done all the hard work for you to find which Melbourne brunch institution is destined to be yours this weekend.

Aquarius | The Kettle Black

South Melbourne

Aquarius, the stars will be guiding you to South Melbourne this weekend, where you’ll be parking your caboose at The Kettle Black (the sister cafe of Top Paddock and Higher Ground) for some famous King Island crayfish rolls and ricotta hotcakes.

Pisces | The Vertue Of The Coffee Drink


Pisces, the moon will be drawing you into Vertue Of The Coffee Drink in Carlton, and you should be thanking your lucky stars [in Venus] because it’s bloody awesome. Here you’ll treat yourself to some passionfruit mimosas, mac ‘n cheese croquettes and chickpea burgers with curly fries

Aries | Friends Of Mine


For those of the Aries persuasion, the eclipse’s path will be taking you to Burnley, where you’ll settle in at Friends of Mine. Ham hock eggs benedict and a tomatoey shakshuka are definitely on the cards for you here.

Taurus | Black Gold


Taurus, the light of the distant sun will be pulling you to Black Gold in Richmond. Here, your future will dine on the Pineapple Superbowl, which will get approximately 147 likes on Instagram. IT. IS. STUNNING.

Gemini | Three Bags Full


Baa baa Gemini sheep, you will have three plates full of Twice Baked French Toast this weekend at Three Bags Full in Abbotsford. Your future is looking very full indeed.

Cancer | Journeyman


Cancer, your path will take you to Journeyman in Prahran this weekend. The future holds bucketloads of fresh fruit juices and Persian feta potato croquettes (with extra halloumi).

Leo | Small Graces


Leo, the ninth star in Saturn is leading you west, to a little place called Small Graces. This Footscray gem will be serving you the likes of sweet potato waffles and kimchi scramble.

Virgo | Wide Open Road


Virgo, the universal sound of your stomach will lead you to Wide Open Road in Brunswick. Here you will enjoy cold-pressed juice and a dish that is literally called ‘Thick Cut Bacon’. Enjoy.

Libra | Drugstore Espresso

South Yarra

Libra, you will be guided by Pluto’s dark side to Drugstore Espresso in South Yarra. The pattern in the stars says your interest will be sparked by the Breakfast Rice Paper Rolls on the menu and you won’t be able to say no to the ‘Fergaliscious’ juice.

Scorpio | Stagger Lee’s


Scorps, you’ll be pulled to the inner north-east for some self-described simple and sexy comfort food at Stagger Lee's. Your heart will skip a beat at the BBQ Beef Brisket Toastie which you’ll no doubt enjoy with a side of bacon croquettes.

Sagittarius | Higher Ground


Sagittarius, your future yearns for something ‘a little bit ritzy’, which is why the galaxy is pulling you towards Higher Ground in the CBD. A plate of the steamed barramundi will be on the cards for you (probs, this is all just make-believe after all).

Capricorn | Two Fat Monks


Capricorn, your future will hold the Mediterranean-Style Corn Fritters from Two Fat Monks in Fairfield. You future also says that Saturday will be particularly stressful, so you’ll be reaching for one of their breakfast cocktails as well.

Brunch isn't all the stars are good for. They can also tell what kind of driver you are...

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