Funny

Your 2014 Horoscopes

By Sophia McMeekin - 02 Jan 2014

Horoscopes 2014 Aries

As usual, you've got a fire in your belly and the sparks are going to fly this year. But you've got some reflecting to do before you get moving.

Love

Single? Pucker up, baby. Things are about to get makey-outy. Resist the urge to do your usual tough guy act this time, Aries. If you open up and let the sentiment flow who knows where you'll end up? Dum dum de dum…

Couple? This year it's time to work on those people skills (or lack thereof), and employ them where they're needed most: at home with your most significant other.

Work

Your boss has been riding you all 2013, but your efforts haven't gone unnoticed. This year you'll reap the rewards (Ka-Ching!). You'll be registering a burst in creativity around mid-July, so don't let it slip through your fingers; use it to start a project you've been putting off all year.

Your resolution

Stop picking fights you know you're going to win, you big bully.

Horoscopes 2014 Taurus

This year will kick off with you feeling sluggish, but this lethargy will abate by February, leaving you motivated and clear-headed. Always the worry wart, resist the urge to freak out over the little things.

Love

Single? There will be a few temptations along the road this year, but try to avoid flirty flings that you know aren't going anywhere, they'll just distract you from the real deal, when they show up mid September.

Couple? You're a committed partner, but that doesn't mean your relationship couldn't use a little work under the hood. It's time to make some changes and work through the same old issues that have been plaguing you since forever. It's not going to be fun, sure, but at the end of December you'll be all starry-eyed again.

Work

Career wise you're in fine form from July 4th, busting out from the pack and working it like you always knew you could. You'll be tempted to move for work this year, and, sorry to scare you, your professional destiny hangs on your decision.

Your Resolution

Work hard, and have faith that this year will be a goodie if you put the hours in.

Horoscopes 2014 Gemini

You'll be (finally) doing it your way this year, and it's going to rock. Self-expression will be your go-to skill, and if you speak up you'll find the world is all ears.

Love

Single? You've been all caught up in a no fun, text-based, cat and mouse game that's making you sad (like, lying-on-your-bedroom-floor-listening-to-Taylor-Swift-sad). As of March you'll get your head together, and your romantic dalliances this year will be on the lighter side.

Couple? You've been digging your heels in about a certain issue, but this April you'll be looking at it in a whole new light, and your relationship will feel the benefits. Keep in mind that you can be uncompromising; the renewed sense of clarity you'll gain mid-year will illuminate all, including your own faults.

Work

You've been day dreaming again, but, don't stress. This year a lot of the Big Things you've been waiting on are going to come to fruition.

Your resolution

Ask for what you want.

Horoscopes 2014 Cancer

Too much dreaming can get you into trouble, but you'll be feeling seriously blessed with good fortune this year, so you can get away with a little bit of star-gazing here and there.

Love

Single? Sorry Cancer, you think you'd finally be getting a break from the ups and downs of lurve and all its complications, but, no such luck. If you can learn from your mistakes (and you're going to make a few), by early October you'll be in a good place to start something fresh and worthwhile.

Couple? Naw, aren't you guys cute. You've been working hard at getting it right all 2013, so you deserve a few PDAs and sickening smooches. Be conscious of your tendency to be over sensitive. No one is out to get you.

Work

Mars is in retrograde from early March to end of May, so this is not the time to make any rash decisions. Take this time to assess the lay of the land and you'll be in a better position to hatch your plans for domination. Mwa ha ha.

Your resolution

Trust your instincts.  You'll already know what to do, so do it, why don't you?

Horoscopes 2014

This will be a big time for personal growth for you. You'll be tempted by reckless tendencies and excessive living. Keep your eyes to the front and you'll keep focused on what's really important, figuring out what you actually want.

Love

Single? This year will bring only good things for Leo, the lucky lion, and whatever you set your heart on you'll get, so make sure he's worth it, girl.

Couple? You are all about being authentic, even if it means not playing nice and hurting those you love the most. Try to keep your sharp tongue and truth telling in check if you want things to go smoothly this year.

Work

The start of the year will bring new ideas, and lots of opinions (both yours and everyone else's). It's a creative period, so make sure you ride those brain waves to good things. Come mid-July, you are going to get mystical (and misty eyed), and you'll finally figure out a few things about yourself that have been bugging you.

Your resolution

Don't be swayed by temptation. You're stronger than that.

Horoscopes 2014

2014 will be one for history books. A love story will mark your year, but it will manifest itself in a more different form than you could have ever dreamed. You'll touch base with a level of inner-intelligence you didn't know you had in you.

Love

Single? You've been living it up romantically of late, you little strumpet, but you've been missing the structure and stability you innately crave, so all the dalliances will come to an end as of early 2014. The clear head your lack of love interests will grant you makes the lack of attention well worth it.

Couple? If your love story has been feeling a bit uninspired, take comfort. The end of August will be a period of magical re-connection with your partner. For once, you'll both be speaking each other's love language fluently, and the results will be beautiful, and a bit sexy. Ding dong.

Work

Early March will see you with serious dollar signs in your eyes as you make plans to get what has been missing from your career: Cold hard cash.  Rather than being vulgar, your financial instincts are leading you to a good place.

Your resolution

Let it go and loosen up. Nothing's ever going to be as perfect as you want it to be, so you've got to learn to roll with it.

Horoscopes 2014

Martha Stewart, you ain't. You've been bogged down by domestic troubles all 2013, and it's time to shake them loose and get on with it. Get out of the house, get creative, and you'll feel better for it.

Love

Single? Your passions are going to be at an all time high by mid-March, so let's hope you have someone to shower them on. If not, you might find yourself doing an epic backslide, with sexy, if regrettable, results.

Couple? This will be a turbulent year for your love connection, so take the time to connect with your partner when you can. A blast from the past has the potential to rock your relationship to its core.

Work

This is the year for making office friends and using them to your advantage. But rather than using and abusing your co-workers, as you have in the past, you'll be making some real connections that will be invaluable down the line.

Your resolution

Stop shopping so much. And take it easy on the eyeliner.

Horoscopes 2014

The first half of 2014 will be a serious time for reflection for you, my spiky tailed little friend. Your charisma will reach an all time high on the 2nd of July and the resulting positive momentum will push you through the rest of the year on a wave of good feelings.

Love

Single? As of April, you'll be asking the hard questions and taking casual connections to new, more intense levels. Come mid-September, your push for commitment will have gone bang or bust. You're an all or nothing kid and you don't need someone unsure holding you back.

Couple? From October until January 2015 you'll be ready to reignite the flame that, let's face it, has been dwindling of late. While this might involve a bit of soul gazing and a few long conversations, the real rewards will come from some good old fashioned seduction. Sexy lingerie is a must.

Work

You're ambitious at the best of times, but July will see you take charge in a whole new way. You'll be humming like a well-oiled machine, and no one will stand in your way. Come mid-September, a spike in good fortune will see the pressure ease and you'll be on top of the world.

Your resolution

You're so busy charging ahead you can forget to stop and smell the peonies.

Horoscopes 2014 Sagittarius

Your inability to settle down, which has worked for you thus far, is going to get a shake up mid-year. It's time to grow up Sag, your bohemian act isn't cute anymore.

Love

Single? Your raging libido has been getting you into trouble, you little minx. You'll be drawn to big adventures and wide-open plains from August onwards, and you won't have much time or head space for silly boys.

Couple? December will see you embracing all those qualities you most distaste. Read: commitment, structure, responsibility. This is a good thing for you. Don't miss this chance to do some growing up, and your partner will love you for it.

Work

Early November will see you offered a new vocation; one that changes your perception of success and makes you really, truly happy. But you'll need to muster up all your mojo to take the leap.

Your resolution

Quit the self-sabotage. The only person holding you back is you.

Horoscopes 2014

Jesus was a Capricorn. And, like him, the whole world is going to be loving you sick and basking in your glorious glow until March.

Love

Single? When the beam of light that's been shining on you starts to dim at the beginning of April, you are going to really feel it. Suck it up Cap, you've had your time in the spotlight, and, let's face it, it was probably going to your head. The good news is you'll take a big emotional risk in June that will pay off.

Couple: Early August will see you feeling very experimental. Take advantage of this period and it could be magic for your partnership.

Work

You'll finally be seeing an increase in $$$ from May, and this, coupled with the new, invigorating sense of purpose you'll be feeling from July, makes for a great year for your career.

Your resolution

Don't be scared to make mistakes. And self doubt will get you nowhere, so quit the negative thinking.

Horoscopes 2014

You'll be feeling restless and hyper-alert this year. Your adventure sector is coming into full force early on in 2014, and your feet are itchy to get movin'.

Love

Single? Your best bet for finding love this year is to ride off into the sunset and hope someone follows you. A mysterious stranger will send you into a sexually-tense tizz in early March. The results will be raw and unadulterated.

Couple? As usual, you are not keen to compromise. But your independence will get you into trouble if you don't make time for your love life. Do something exciting together.

Work

Yeah, we get it, you're a genius. Be aware that you may have stepped on some toes in the past, and that not everyone shares your distaste for convention. Now is the time to make amends and keep your head down. Nobody likes a show off.

Your resolution

Independent woman, let someone help you out for a change.

Horoscopes 2014

This is the year to get your hands dirty and tackle some new creative challenges you've been avoiding. You are going to move up exponentially this year, but don't hustle too fast. Take time to reflect on the changes that are happening.

Love

Single? Oh, brother. Mars will be heating up your love sector for the first half of 2013, and you'll be doing the chasing. Not necessarily a bad thing, the confidence this will grant you will make you feel like the king of the world.

Couple? Your partner will be feeling a renewed sense of smitten towards you in 2014. Maybe it's because you're an amazing goddess with an irresistible inner glow. Maybe you've been working out. Whatever the reason, try to give it back equally or they might end up resenting you.

Work

Sharpen those pencils. A return to the books may be on the cards for you. You're about to enter a period of tremendously hard work, but all that sweat on your brow will manifest itself in magic results in 2016.

Your resolution

Stay Focused.

Image credits: Sister coutrure, Pinterest, Fashion Press, The Best Fashion Blog, Pinterest, Pinterest, French Vogue, Refinery29, Harpers Bazaar, Fashion Snap, Pinterest, Vogue

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

Tags:

Funny

You May Also Like