Ah, summer. You beautiful, sweaty beast, you. My how quickly you've arrived in Auckland with your harsh rays and humidity. From burning the shit out of yourself with a hot seat belt—seriously, they’re a real health hazard—to eating all of the chips, it’s a minefield we’re forced to deal with three months of the year.
And so, we present 30 truths you already know if you’ve ever spent a summer in good old New Zealand.
- It’s hot and humid.
- There will be arguments about the air con being too cold.
- There will also be arguments about the air con not being cold enough.
- You will face the eternal battle between windows open and death by mozzies.
- Chocolate is now a liquid at room temperature.
- There’s always the difficult choice between eating and having a toned summer bod.
- Not showering everyday becomes slightly more acceptable—all that swimming sure counts as cleaning?
- Sand will appear in unexplored crevices and you’ll wonder when you last went to the beach…
- You will start craving Fruju Tropical Snows. All the time!
- You’ll live in constant fear of jandal tan lines.
- Crayfish-coloured skin is unavoidable.
- You’ll realise that West Coast day trips aren’t the relaxing beach day you had in mind.
- Ants will ruin your life.
- Sleeping naked becomes non-negotiable.
- Waking up in your tent with sweat-soaked sheets at 7am is the new norm.
- If you don’t hear the Mr Whippy theme song, scrambled around for cash and run to get some soft serve, have you really achieved all of your summer goals?
- Conversations will revolve around the weather.
- And whether or not it was this temperamental last year.
- Your international (Brits, we’re looking at you!) mates will struggle with the heat.
- You will mock them for their weakness in the face of a Kiwi summer.
- They will mock you for how you say fish and chups.
- You’ll probably get a scar from a seat belt buckle burn. Or from the black sand.
- ‘If you can’t see the water you’re in underpants.’
- You can’t beat barbies and brews with your bros.
- You’ll realise that sprinklers and paddling pool were not made just for children.
- There’s absolutely nothing on TV. Re-runs rule!
- Waterfalls are still cold, even in summer.
- You befriend people for their pool.
- Shoes become optional.
- Grass is actually yellow.
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Image credit: Betty Wants In for The Urban List