37 Things People Who Only Wear Black Will Understand

By Martha Brooke
2nd Mar 2017

37 Things People Who Only Wear Black Will Understand

There are two types of people in the world—those who wear colour and those who don’t. If you’re reading this already, we’re probably guessing that come rain, hail or shine, you’ll be wearing black.

Wearing black is effortless, wearing black is pure chic and wearing black is hella easy but boy oh boy, can wearing black on the reg, lead to some problems and ridicule.

If we had a dollar for every time someone asked if we were going to a funeral, we would have enough money to buy more black clothes, because, what else would we buy? A white shirt? Don’t be silly!

For another 36 things that only people who only black will understand, read on and remember that all black ‘errythang is best baby!

  1. ‘Are you going to a funeral?’ Yeah yours. *Mic drop*
  2. Shopping doesn’t take long. At all.
  3. Finding a style that you like and finding out it doesn’t come in black is the stuff of nightmares.
  4. Laundry is the easiest chore in the world. Separating whites and colours? Who do you think I am?!
  5. You don’t have to worry about finding the perfect LBD—you have 15.
  6. It goes with everything. Well, by everything we mean more black.
  7. You connect with Wednesday Adams on a deeper, meaningful level than most. BFF’s always.
  8. You pray that black wedding dresses will one day be a thing.
  9. ‘I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker colour’ is your mantra and will be on your gravestone.
  10. Trying to look like you knew you were attending a wedding and not the funeral next door, can be slightly awkward.
  11. Hearing ‘Are you in a ‘goth’ phase?’ on the reg.
  12. Not watching ‘Orange Is The New Black’ out of principal.
  13. Three words: White. Deodorant. Marks.
  14. You could easily join a Kiss tribute band.
  15. Wait. Are they hiring?
  16. Feeling sassy? Wear black. Feeling sexaayyy? Wear black. Feeling sophisticated? Wear black.
  17. No one will be able to tell that you just spilt tomato sauce down your front.
  18. Or any other stains for that matter.
  19. Well, with the exception of toothpaste. That shit’s a whole different ballgame.
  20. Online shopping is also easy. Refine by colour = BLACK!
  21. Looking for that top in your wardrobe is a lot harder than most. Everything is black, of course.
  22. Decorating your home is a difficult one. In the words of the Rolling Stones, ‘I want it painted black.’ Not so practical, but ever so chic.
  23. Your go-to Halloween costume is Winona Ryder circa Beetlejuice.
  24. Or Wednesday, but that’s just obvious. Duh.
  25. Summer months make shopping an arduous task. Pink, floral pants? No thank-you.
  26. You look put together at all times.
  27. Owning a cat/dog is an instant, hair-induced nightmare.
  28. The only accessory you have on your person at all times is the ever stylish, lint roller.
  29. ‘I’ve got 99 problems but worrying about clashing ain’t one.’
  30. Do you ever see Karl Lagerfeld wearing colour? Didn’t think so.
  31. ‘Back to black’ is your anthem.
  32. It’s figure flattering and oh-so slimming!
  33. Your clothes will never, ever go out of style.
  34. 30 degree heat won’t stop you wearing black, even if it kills you.
  35. Your inner badass is always out in full force.
  36. You won’t ever RSVP ‘attending’ to a summer garden party.
  37. ‘Black isn’t a colour.’ Oh f**k off.

Want more?

Image credit: Beetlejuice

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