Horoscopes: Your Animalistic Week Ahead

By Julia Hammond
18th Apr 2017

Most zodiac signs have an animal attached to them but how can we really be sure astrologers got it right? We like to think The Urban List knows what it’s talking about after months and months of horoscopes so we’re assigning a new one to each and every star sign.


Astrology couldn’t even be bothered giving you an animal and we think that’s really unfair. As the ‘Water Bearer’ your symbol is basically a vase. Yeah…thanks but no thanks. Aquarians are air signs with visionary qualities so we were thinking you remind us of a wise owl.

Where you need to go this week: Wise up on all things beauty.


Fish smish. Swim in schools? Blindly following others? We say no way. Pisces are way better than that. They’re actually incorrigible romantics and super loyal and caring in relationships. Fun fact: penguins mate for life and so do Pisces. Both of you start with P and neither of you can fly.

Where you need to go this week: Where penguins gather to eat brunch.


Type ram into google and the animal is not the first thing that comes up. Which means rams are boring and outdated, no offence. Aries are leaders who are the first to take action when faced with a challenge. A little-known leader of the animal kingdom is the tall, stately giraffe. If anybody questions you just tell them you can’t hear them from all the way up here.

Where you need to go this week: A place that appreciates tall orders.  


Not the worst of the bunch, you have the big bad bull to look up to. But a lot of the time bulls are too big or too bad for your personality. The bull could never truly symbolise a Taurus’ admiration of all things beautiful in life and love. You’re much better suited to something like a peacock. Proud, royal and bright blue in colour.

Where you need to go this week: Feast on the pretty things in life.


You’re probably wondering how something as generic as the ‘Twins’ has any relation to animals. Ye of little faith, watch and learn. The thing with twins is there’s usually a good and a bad one, the same way there’s two sides to most creatures of the wild. Deer are for the most part adorable but trespass too far into their territory and you’ll meet their other side in the form of a kick to the guts.

Where you need to go this week: The ultimate in double-sided brunch.


There’s nothing wrong with being a crab. It’s just that you’ve been a crab your whole life so maybe it’s time to change things up. Never one to bury your head in the sand Cancer’s always fight to protect their family. This might sound outrageous but ants are another species waging bloody wars to protect their colony. Sometimes the smallest warrior wins because they have been underestimated.

Where you need to go this week: Find some simple pleasures.


Okay we admit it. Lions are pretty cool. We don’t want to take that away from you totally so how about we add one instead? Plenty of animals don’t know how to survive when the temperature drops and you could use some inspiration as we reach the Winter months. Make like a bumblebee and hibernate in your hive until Spring.

Where you need to go this week: What to do when the weather is crap


Your symbol is the maiden, in other words an unmarried young woman. How archaic. The Komodo dragon is an animal that don’t need no man. The females are fully capable of holding up the species all by themselves and we think you’re a strong, independent lady too. Go forth and let everyone know how fierce you are.

Where you need to go this week: Dress like the queen you are.


Everything about a Libra indicates balance, from their personality to the ‘Scales’ they were given as a symbol. Kangaroos are pros at balancing. They use their tails as a third leg which allows them to stand up straight whenever they choose. They’re also super awesome boxers and Australian natives. So much cooler than your old symbol.

Where you need to go this week: Work on your balance here.


There are very few things to love about scorpions but so many things to love about a Scorpio. Which is why we’ve decided to cut ties between these two. Chameleons are a better choice, not just because they are an official Disney sidekick. They also embody the calmness and mystery of a Scorpio. Plus, you could learn a thing or two about adaptability from your scaly friend.  

Where you need to go this week: Make whisky your favourite poison.


Half person, half horse, the Centaur is way more than just Harry Potter’s saviour in the Forbidden Forest. It’s not technically a real animal so we can’t let you keep up this charade much longer. Curiosity and a desire for freedom are your defining traits which we think sounds like the domain of a big wild cat. Take your pick – tigers, jaguars, cheetahs or leopards are all yours. We’ve always had a soft spot for panthers.

Where you need to go this week: Pick out the typical Aucklanders.


Does anybody else think of that scene in Jurassic Park whenever they hear the word goat? Not exactly an image you want to be associated with as Capricorns are far from being prey. Turn your fortunes around from prey to predator. We suggest looking up the Orchid Mantis. This bug masquerades as a flower and awaits its unknowing prey. That’s way better than any plain old goat in our books.

Where you need to go this week: The best place to find flowers.

Feeling full of energy now that the stars are aligning? Here's some walks with that all that energy .

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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