You know what? Everyone deserves to be nakey outside the comfort and privacy of their own home from time to time. The reason? Sometimes your nips deserve to see the light of day. And because while your brand new Calvin Kleins, or lacy G-banger, might be a treat for your undercarriage, it can be fun to simply hang out with your wang out (you’re blushing aren’t you?).
In the immortal words of the prophet known as Ludacris, we at The Urban List will spit the truth, and won’t stop ‘till we get you in your birthday suit. You with me? Read on. Here are the best places to get naked in Sydney.
The Best Nude Beaches In Sydney
Let’s get the easy one out of the way early, yeah? Everyone knows Sydney is famous for its seemingly endless supply of beaches, but only the most clued-in ones know about the nude beaches dotted around our fair city. Here they are.
Best Nude Beaches In North Sydney
Are you a Northie? Try out Cobblers Cove or Obelisk Beach in Mosman for clear blue waters and ample shlong spotting, among a sea of tan line free behinds. Or if you’re prepared for a bit more of a hike, pop down to Washaway beach in Manly and free your little white buns.
Best Nude Beaches In East Sydney
If you’re an Eastern Suburbs dweller looking for the best nude beaches in Sydney, then Lady Jane Beach near Watsons Bay is just the ticket (FYI it’s known for being a bit of a bratwurst fest).
Best Nude Beaches In South Sydney
For those in South Sydney, Little Congwong Beach at La Perouse is your best bet for getting nude on the beach, although we understand it’s not an official nudey rudey beach, so keep your knickers handy. No word on whether this place got its name from the nakeys, or the other way around. Oh, and hint: Wear sunscreen, and lots of it. A sunburned nipple is a fate worse than death.
Sydney Float Centre
Brookvale and Darlinghurst
“See you soon, babe, I’m just off for a cheeky float” said many people after discovering the joys of a calming session at Brookvale’s Sydney Float Centre. Filled with buoyancy-inducing epsom salts, the pods encourage total relaxation and countless moments of head-clearing peace. Look, it’s your choice whether you go in there in your bikini or boardies, but there’s just something magical about being naked as a baby while floating in a peaceful pod. Try not to touch your skin like you’re in a moisturiser advert after, I dare you.
Sigh. Where would the world be without Tan Temple? Their friendly team, a cheeky glass of bubbles if you’re there for an occasion, and the perfectly even shade of bronze after a quick spritz of the good stuff. You can bare all at this Bondi spray tanning salon, the girls have seen it all, so you never have to worry about pesky tan lines… Especially if you’re not quite game enough for those nude beaches. Plus, it smells delicious, won’t fade in patches like many other brands *shakes fist at sky*, and you can usually shower after two hours, leaving you free and tanned faster than ever.
Don’t worry; I’m not talking about the type with hairy older gentlemen. I’m talking about the ridiculously relaxing hamam type, where you immerse your bowwdaayyy in steamy 50-degree water before a friendly attendant comes in and scrubs your skin all over until it’s practically reborn and shiny new. I realise that sounded a little risque, but it’s a traditional Turkish experience, one that you’ll quickly convert to after your blissful session. Try out Ottoman in Granville, they know what they’re doing. Baby’s bottom skin, here you come.
On the opposite end of the spectrum is Cryotherapy, which uses extreme cold to shock your central nervous system to rejuvenate the body, heal injuries, and generally make you feel all kinds of energised. How cold is cold? Uh, freezing. You’re going to be faced with a (very safe) nitrogen mist at -140°C (that’s not a typo) for a few minutes by a friendly and knowledgeable therapist, before exiting and reaping all of the benefits.
Talk about fripples. Keen bean? Check out The Polar Bare Club (see what they did there?) in Bondi Junction.
Shangri-La, Sydney CBD
If you haven’t yet experienced the magic that is the Shangri-La Hotel’s Chi Spa, then you haven’t lived. So get there now and be ready to forget any troubles you ever had in your life, ever. Get your kit off and let your senses be dulled by that wooden flute music that plays in every spa in the world while finding heaven in the form of the Oud Oil Therapy with Sodashi skincare.
Ever wanted to be on the news? This is your chance, buddy!* It’s open 24/7, so no need to be picky about getting buck nakeder than Shaggy on the bathroom floor.
*FYI I’m kidding. Unless I’m not…
On another (equally important note), here are the best dog-friendly winery tours in NSW.
Image credit: Stocksy