TV & Movies

31 Thoughts We Had During Episode 25 Love Island

By Millie Lester
29th Jun 2018

The countdown is on until we can put this doozy to bed. With ‘love’ at an all-time high in the villa, thanks to a whopping two couples admitting to making more than seven seconds of eye contact over the last month, it’s looking like the producers are reeeaaalllyy gonna have to stir some sh*t up to keep viewers from flicking to the Logies on Sunday. 

Here are 31 thoughts we had during last night’s episode of Love Island.

  1. The episode opens with the Irish voice fella confirming that hella fecking yes there is only one week left of this soul sucking six week tanning tutorial.
  2. Millie is over on the grassy knoll explaining to her new tradie fella, Kory, that he’d totally be her type if she could chuck a strong Valencia filter over him and swap his personality with Jamie Durie’s.
  3. Meanwhile, the bleached mouth fella clearly didn’t get his graduation ceremony makeup done in-store at Mecca, otherwise he’d know that you only accentuate one feature. Chiseled abs AND blindingly white teeth just makes you look like a street hussy with loose morals and even looser legs.
  4. Poor Teddy is now at his wits’ end vis-a-vis finding love and only has the feral villa cats left to practice his pick up lines with.
  5. Since discovering that Kory isn’t a demigod with bags of cash and ‘real good banter’, Millie has decided to set her sights on what is now her sixty-hundredth villa fella.
  6. Mark gets a whiff of Millie’s fresh pheromones and stalks her to the deck chairs where he compliments her on her pearly whites and uses half a dozen three syllable words that immediately have her weak at the knees and salivating at the mouth.
  7. Dom then takes Shelby to bed and whispers horrible nothings in her ear until the lights go off and he can start tongue-punching her throat.
  8. During the night, Millie then has a nightmare about Spida Everitt and accidentally sucker punches Kory in the jugular.
  9. And then in the morning, Kory approaches Millie about her unconscious footy player phobia out of concern, and she tells him to fall into the pool.
  10. Millie then officially decides for the fifth week in a row that she is going after another gal’s fella because Cassidy said it best when she said ‘this is Love Island, not Fanny-Around-Making-Friends-And-Then-Backstabbing-Them-A-Week-Later-But-Denying-It-Anyway Island’.
  11. Out on the grassy knoll, Amelia is straddling Josh and testing the waters by joking about leaving him for Dom, because apparently blatant disrespect for women is so hot right now. 
  12. Over on the sun lounges, Erin is ripping Eden a new one about his unwavering libido and inability to remember that their backyard escapades are on the telly five nights a week.
  13. To add some real unleaded fuel to the fire, Millie then drags Mark into the bedroom and tells him that Mac co-owns a puppy farm with former flame, Jaxon.
  14. In phase two of her plan, Millie then takes Mac aside and tells her that Mark hates her and wants to kill her through a series of elaborate poisonings over the next twelve hours, but that she of course has first dibs of him at the recoupling ceremony.
  15. Josh then gets a text revealing that sh*t’s about to get officially stirred in the villa, much like when Regina George’s Burn Book is found in Mean Girls.
  16. Today’s challenge is basically a reveal of about a dozen quotes said by the islanders that’ll put other islanders in a decade of emotional rehab.
  17. Ultimately what we find out is that Josh reckons Tayla’s is a b*tch mole, Dom reckons Shelby’s playing Survivor, Teddy reckons Eden’s got looser lips than Woman’s Day, Grant reckons Amelia’s a sneaky snitch with nice t*ts, Shelby reckons Teddy’s got worse grills than a coke addict, Eden reckons Millie is the spawn of Voldemort and Eden reckons Erin can talk a fair bit of sh*t.
  18. Afterwards, Teddy understandably has a teary in the bathroom while reflecting on a decade of schoolyard bullying.
  19. And then in the diary room where he explains that after building his self confidence up over years, he’s never felt more insecure in his life.
  20. Meanwhile, the whole of Australia is sobbing into their Sara Lee chocolate Bavarians at home, hoping at least half a dozen people get fired for making this gentle giant doubt his kind heart and small forehead.
  21. Grant then takes Teddy into the bathroom and tells him that he, an adult man who has been sharing a bed, a mouth and several other body parts with a woman for over a month, is going to formally ask that lady to go around with him.
  22. After the producers call Tayla and Teddy away for a girls shopping trip, Grant gathers the islanders to announce that he’s found a girl he kind of likes and has been ‘snogging for over a month in front of youse all’ and wants to make her his under the eyes of the Facebook law.
  23. While Teddy and Tayla are enjoying a nice skinny cap and absolutely no shopping, Grant appears on a balcony across from the cafe and beckons Tayla up with his little rat claw.
  24. Tayla climbs the stairs and appears, uncontrollably sobbing at the sight of a half good cheese platter and Grant in a shirt.
  25. Grant then pours her a grey espresso martini and gives Tayla a box of shit from the house in lieu of having the Spanish currency or linguistic knowledge required to buy anything.
  26. He then makes a very long speech about wanting to ‘have everything to do with her on her good days and nothing to do with her on her period’ while simultaneously nibbling on Saladas and mildly hyperventilating.
  27. Grant then asks her to stand up and at this point Tayla is fairly confident that he’s going to propose because he’s holding a ring box on a balcony in Spain, sobbing about being the happiest guy in the world.
  28. After choking on a combination of Salada dust and his own tears for a couple of minutes, he then says, ‘Tayla babe, ‘I’d love you to be my girlfriend babe, howsabout it babe?’.
  29. She is visibly disappointed that this elaborate display was all for a low-scale Facebook status change, but accepts the ring nonetheless because she’s not one to kiss a gift horse in the mouth.
  30. Eventually Tayla and Grant arrive home, box of miscellaneous crap in arm, to a crummy guard of honour erected to celebrate their middle school milestone.
  31. Grant then promises to buy her a Milo Cup and some Ovaltineys down the shops tomorrow if she puts out later.

Catch up on all the Love Island drama here

Image credit: 9Now

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