The Unwritten Rules Of Living In New Zealand

New Zealand. Aotearoa. Land of the long white cloud.

We’re a pretty uncomplicated, chilled out bunch, really. But we do come with our own set of unwritten rules to live by. Some of which can be a little confusing if you’re newbie here to our country.

So, if you take our advice and go by these set of rules we’ve supplied you with you’ll surely be feeling like an honorary Kiwi in no time.

1. We take rugby VERY seriously.
2. If you ever get kicked out of a bar because you’re a bit too pissed just grab a pie and eat it in front of the bouncer.
3. Buy a Kiwi a beer and they’ll be ya best mate.
4. Buy a Kiwi two beers and you’ve made a friend for life.
5. Jandals are an acceptable form of foot wear all year round. Even in Winter.
6. Be prepared to see people wearing Ugg boots and pyjama pants in the supermarket.
7. It is ridiculously expensive to live here. Soz.
8. The weather here is like four seasons in one day. Be prepared for anything. Seriously.
9. If your photo has made it into the Spy section of the Herald you’re practically a celebrity.
10. A hāngi and a hongi are not the same thing.
11. Do not be alarmed if someone tries to touch noses with you. This is our traditional greeting called a hongi.
12. A hāngi is a feed that’s cooked in the ground.
13. NEVER confuse a Kiwi for an Australian. We are NOT the same.
14. We have more sheep than people.
15. We hands down have THE BEST beaches in the world. West Coast represent.
16. Black sand beaches are a thing here.
17. A box of beer is an acceptable form of payment.
18. Poi-E is our honorary national anthem. Familiarise yourself with it and if you can bust it out at the pub for a classic Kiwi singalong you’ll get allll the kai-pai’s.
19. Christmas’s are spent on a beach with a BBQ and a beer.
20. If it were up to us Richie McCaw would be our Prime Minister.
21. Shoes on powerlines are not there by accident.
22. Kiwis are generally a very chilled out, friendly bunch. But piss us off and we’ll go pukana on your ass.
23. Buy us a beer and all will be forgiven.
24. Don’t know what the word pukana means? Look it up! Cummon, you’re an honorary Kiwi now!
25. Hearing words like s**t and f**k are a regular occurrence on prime time radio. No shit!
26. The word mate has multiple connotations.
27. We do not associate the word muppet with a lovable, furry puppet.
28. If you see a girl squatting down on the side of the road. Do not be alarmed! She is not in labour. She’s just popping a squat.
29. Expect to hear the word bro at least ten times a day.
30. Marmite is a delicacy here. Get used to it.

Image Credit: Chris McLennan

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