Funny

21 Things Everyone In The Shire Knows

By Ben Phillips. - 07 Feb 2017

Shire folk—the lepers from lower Sydney, the hobbits born in Sutherland hospital (and buried in Sutherland cemetery), need to stick together now more than ever. 

Somehow, in 2017, we continue to be the butt of all workplace jokes that apparently never get tired. Like this old gem, “Did you get your passport stamped on the way to work this morning?” Hilarious. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that I would finance the construction of the long discussed wall around the shire to keep the humourless out.

It is time we listed all the great things, big and small, that bond us Shire folk together. So here are 21 things you can only relate to if you call the Sutherland Shire home.

  1. You have had this conversation at least four hundred times: “Where abouts in Sydney are you from?”“The Sutherland Shire.” “Where’s that?” “Have you heard of Cronulla?” “Ahhh yes, the Cronulla riots!” 
  2. You have been asked more than once if you’re a Bra Boy or if you know any bra boys. FYI Maroubra is not in the Sutherland Shire, maybe it is you who needs to get out more. 
  3. “It must be a real punish to live so far away!” is a common assertion made by outsiders, and is met with a solid roll of the eyes. We’re 45 bloody minutes from the CBD mate. 
  4. The biggest disappointment of the past decade is, hands down, having to pay for parking at the recently renovated Miranda Westfield. 
  5. Miranda Westfield will ALWAYS be known as Miranda Fair.
  6. Kids these days will never understand the fun they missed out on at Tilt. I always ended up with a cap gun or sticky-hand with my haul of tickets. 
  7. Childhood birthday parties started at McDonalds until you graduated to Skate Plus….. CHANGE DIRECTION! 
  8. Seriously, how good was Skate Plus. Way better than the Rocknasium. 
  9. The Bondi to Bronte walk has nothing on Wanda to Bass & Flinders
  10. Pre-season for soccer, footy or netball often means trudging up and down the notorious Wanda sand dunes. Feel the burn! 
  11. You know that Northies=Fusion, O’Reilly’s=Carmen’s, Gymea Pub = Vinyl Room and Hunters = regret.
  12. On that note, you have either experienced (or heard of) the infamous ‘whistler’ who frequents Hunters. “Blow my whistle bi**h!” 
  13. If you have a predilection for older women you know exactly where to go. JD’s—(aka Just Divorced), or the Vinyl Room, are the designated party-zone for the Shire’s older, single women who are known to dance up a storm to both the 70’s and 80’s classics. 
  14. You have made the famous dash from Northies to Fusion on a Sunday night at 10pm to avoid lining up. 
  15. The night is never over until you’ve demolished a slice from Midnight Pizza. 
  16. You have been breath tested at least 7,000 times at the RBT on the Princes Highway in Kirrawee. Seriously, it has been operating 24/7 for the past twenty years. 
  17. Menai is technically not part of the Shire and should be referred to as lower Bankstown. 
  18. When you do eventually move out of home you only make it as far as Cronulla. 
  19. Either you, or 90% of your friends have been with the same person since high-school, and are now engaged. From the age of 25, every single weekend will be spent at weddings. 
  20. You can’t make a new friend without having a mutual friend that knows an embarrassing story about you. 
  21. The Sharkies winning the 2016 NRL Grand Final was better than Christmas.

Have you tried these delicious places in Cronulla to eat? 

Image Credit: Richard Winchell on Flickr

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