While you can usually find us deriding mass-produced, plastic food like the out-and-proud food snobs we are, we’re only human, and when we’ve spent the evening making sexy eyes at the tequila bottle and a damn fool of ourselves on the dance floor, we’re as partial to a greasy pile of junk food as anybody.
Some of the best restaurants in Brisbane have cottoned on to our weakness, and are dishing up some very tasty fast food equivalents to soak up your indiscretions.
Nothing beats a greasy cheesy when you’re illin like a villain, and while we’d never openly admit to a 2am-Ronald drive-by habit, there’s something about a plastic cheese square, loads of pickles, and the perfect mustard to tom’ sauce ratio that has us wanting to get our Hamburgular on regularly. Take things up a notch and out of the drive thru at these Brisbane burger joints:
Ben’s has managed to do the impossible—they’ve created a burger so perfect in its formation we’d straight-up marry the little guy if he’d have us. Paired with fries and a cherry cola and this stuff is medicine for the soul. Editors note: Ben’s breakfast burgers are a too-good-to-be-true rip off of Maccas finest brekky burgers—the BB Bacon will save you when nothing else can.
Speaking of McMuffins, get your drunk ass to Gerard’s Bistro on a Saturday or Sunday morning for their breakfast offering, which includes a their Al-MuHuffin: a tasty stack of sujuk, egg, tomato, and batata harra hash brown.
The Bistro’s little brother venue, Gerard’s Bar, has a burger on the menu that’s literally dripping with meaty goodness, and has a delicious resemblance to a cheese burger.
The Brooklyn cheeseburger at Red Hook is the basic cheeseburger at its best. Handily located in the CBD to ease the dreaded office hangover. Red Hook is also home to the Elvis Burger, which will either cure your hangover in one bite, or kill you.
It might not come in a bucket, but Brisbane’s home to some damn fine fried chicken. Crack out the Wet Wipes, ‘cause the Colonel ain’t got nothing on these Southern restaurants:
The chicken wings at Tippler’s come by the kilo, and the crunchy, nicely spiced coating is a dead ringer for KFC’s chicken, but better.
South Side Diner
For an up-town take on fried chicken, try the crispy fried duck at South Side Diner, which comes on a toasted waffle with maple jus and roast pumpkin puree.
Southern Attitude’s Chicken Fried Chicken is a home-style take on this greasy favourite, and decidedly more wholesome option.
There’s something about deep fried potato and hangovers that just works.
YardBird Ale House
Fortitude Valley & Paddington
The epic chilli cheese fries from Yard Bird are as loaded as they come: doused in South West sauce, topped with chilli con carne or vegetarian bean dip.
Newstead Brewing Co.
Newstead’s totally epic and cheesy pulled-pork chilli cheese fries are the ultimate alcohol soakers. If you’re partial to a bit of hair-of-the-dog action, they can help you out there, too.
Carina & Bridgeman Downs
Getta Burger's Getta Filthy Fries have their own cult following: that’s how filthy they are. Topped with smoked brisket, pulled pork, maple bacon—yes, three kinds of meat—frilled onion, BBQ sauce, Ranch, and mustard. When we’re in a world of pain we’re also big fans of Getta’s Pig Out Burger, which comes stuffed with pulled pork, crispy bacon, double cheese, their own BBQ sauce, and fries. Like, the fries are inside the burger.
Image credit: Daniel Maddock