17 Things You’ll Only Understand If You Didn’t Have Rich Parents

By Yvonne Lam
4th Jun 2018

It’s hard being a millenial, and it’s even harder if you don’t have rich parents. We’re the HECS loan generation, the no Youth Allowance for you generation, the congratulations-you’ve-been-approved-for-a-home-loan-lol-jks generation. Without that cushy trust fund to fall back on, you’ve had to work hard, play hard, and then push through that hangover to work even harder.

Imagine if there was a pair of rich parents, somewhere, somehow, who were willing to adopt you (apparently there is, over at Porter Davis). Because if your real parents weren’t swimming in the casholah, you’ll be able to relate to these 17 things.

1. You were only allowed one showbag at the Easter Show. Max two, if the second was a $1 Bertie Beetle showbag.

2. No popcorn at the cinemas for you. Your family packed Saos with Flora margarine.

3. Your family texts each other when there’s a 2 for $5 avocado special at Woolies. Finally, Mexican Night can happen (guacamole is a rich person’s hobby).

4. Your first driving lessons were in the family’s white Ford Laser. Rich friends got their own L-plated Mercedes-Benz.

5. The Great Australian Dream is just that for now...a dream. No trust fund = no home ownership. If you’re lucky, your parents sold your paternity story to a TV network to finance your future mortgage-paying dreams. If you’re even luckier, this rich couple will gift you a $170,000 first home deposit. No jokes.

6. If there was extra cash in the family grocery budget, your parents went all out on a jar of Moccona instead of the usual Nescafé.

7. Rich friends had ponies. You had videos of The Saddle Club.

8. Hand-me-downs made up 90% of your childhood closet.

9. And you gazed wistfully at the kids dolled up in OshKosh B’Gosh.

10. Or Pumpkin Patch.

11. And the other 10% of your closet were clothes made by your mother, including one particularly memorable brown corduroy overall emblazoned with your initials “YL” on the chest. You told friends it stood for “Yves (Saint) Laurent”. They only half-believed you. (True story).

12. Your parents saved like crazy to gift you genuine Nike or Adidas two-piece tracksuits. Otherwise, they bought counterfeit ones from the Saturday markets, with exotic knock-off brand names like “KINE”. (Also a true story).

13. You only just learnt what all the fuss about superannuation is about, and are now in a state of panic—there’s no massive family fortune to finance your nest egg. You’re going to have to do the hard yakka yourself.

14. Holiday plan conversations sounded like this: Rich friends: “I’m going skiiing in the Alps”, “Just taking the yacht for a cheeky spin ‘round the Greek Islands.” You: “I hear the Lunar Drive-In cinema is lovely at this time of the year!”

15. You go to for-sale house inspections just for a snoop through the bathroom. Then it’s awkward when the real estate gives you a call later in the week. (Imagine if you could make a genuine offer, armed with the $170,000 house deposit you won from these rich parents).

16. At these house inspections, you marvel at the hardwood-covered floors. Your family kitchen had lino floors, or at a pinch, ugly tiles.

17. You’ve (twice) seriously considered creating a profile on a sugar daddy website to fast-forward that house deposit.

And no judgement if you’re going to upload that profile. But there’s an easier, faster way to win your way to home ownership, and to win at this eternal game we call adulting.

Aisha and Stuart are the baby boomer Rich Parents You Never Had, and they want to give away a $170,000 house deposit to go towards a shiny new Smart Living house and land package, thanks to the good folks at Porter Davis.

Seriously, all you need to do is enter your deets here, and that We bought a house! #humblebrag Instagram caption could be all yours. It’s too easy.

Editors note: This article is sponsored by Porter Davis Smart Living and proudly endorsed by The Urban List. Thank you for supporting the sponsors who make The Urban List possible. Click here for more information on our editorial policy.

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