Funny

32 Thoughts Everyone Has During A Melbourne Winter

By Millie Lester - 03 May 2017


Phresh, frosty, and cold as f*ck are a few terms we’d use to describe Melbourne winters. Here are 32 other thoughts we also have while soldiering on through the crusty, soulless hole that is the world’s most liveable ice palace.

  1. How did people keep warm before Supré basics?
  2. Jane Bunn is literally the whole package, someone give that woman a Logie.
  3. If faux fur blankets weren’t $5 at Kmart, I would have died from hypothermia six years ago.
  4. Can you die from eating too many Continental Cup-a Soups?
  5. Does Milo really give you cancer?
  6. Is it hot or cold air that defrosts the windscreen?
  7. Will I get fined for never bringing the bins in?
  8. How do I specify that I want my tax to go towards a Fujitsu split-system on the Craigieburn line?
  9. Mashed potato is my spirit animal.
  10. Morning rowers on the Yarra are the antichrist.
  11. It is definitely now acceptable to let my dog sleep in the bed.
  12. Why do electric blankets only go up to 3?
  13. Thank f*ck the cricket’s over.
  14. Shepard avocados can get stuffed.
  15. When did hot chocolates start costing more than hass avocados?
  16. I wish I looked good in a beanie.
  17. Gotta remember to get fingerless gloves so I can Facebook stalk people on the train.
  18. I wouldn’t wish alfresco dining on my worst enemy.
  19. Only 134 days until Grey’s Anatomy season 14.
  20. Is it considered irresponsible to send my dog to the dog park on its own?
  21. When will floor length Kathmandu puffer jackets be on trend?
  22. Has anyone noticed that I’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for three weeks?
  23. Maybe I’ll try skiing this winter.
  24. Shit. Skiing is expensive, I’ll just go to the Lindt Cafe again.
  25. Why are all the movies out at the moment narrated by talking dogs?
  26. I would rather catch a number 19 tram at 5:15pm with a backpack than go to Rooftop Bar tonight for ‘mulled wine’.
  27. When will non-alcoholic Tim Tam Slams be the cocktail of the season?
  28. Is it ok to wear a sleeping bag to the football?
  29. #prayforBoostJuiceemployees
  30. I hope no one can see the thirteen tissues up my sleeve.
  31. I am going to be buried in my Peter Alexander dressing gown.
  32. I hate people who can’t stop coughing more than people who can’t stop for pedestrian crossings.

Need something to take the edge off? We've got the best baked eggs in Melbourne

Image credit: Bridget Jones' Diary

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