41 Things Only Uni Students Understand

By Millie Lester
8th Nov 2016

things only uni students understand

Being a uni student means you're probably the poorest, most under/over fed, unfit, you'll ever be in your entire life hopefully. So to ease the pain, here's a list of 41 things that only uni students understand that we've made compulsory to read, so you guys can have a legitimate excuse to procrastinate instead of studying for exams. Because we get you.

  1. If it’s raining, class is cancelled.
  2. But also; sun’s out, uni’s out.
  3. You only have class on Fridays because you slept in and missed subject timetabling four months ago.
  4. You know the opening times and location of every coffee shop on campus but you have no idea where your stats lecture is held.
  5. You go to your 10am tutorial on Tuesdays because that’s when Standing Room gets a fresh batch of Shortstop donuts.
  6. You know where the bookshop is because you booked your Contiki Tour from Student Flights next door.
  7. Skipping lectures to watch them later in double time makes you feel like Rain Man.
  8. ‘Compulsory’ textbooks written by the subject lecturer are optional.
  9. Like, you don’t go out that much, but you do know that Perseverance is a $33 Uber from your house.
  11. Printing out lecture notes isn’t killing the rainforests, student elections are.
  12. If they didn’t want students to steal from Woolies self-service checkouts, they wouldn’t charge $150 to graduate from a $30,000 degree.
  13. Class presentations are compulsory unless there’s something good on at Nova.
  14. You download the Lost On Campus app at the start of every semester even though you’re in the last year of your masters degree.
  15. You gave your mum a tour of the campus last semester and made up most of the building names.
  16. You have no idea what the web address is for the student portal, but you do have notifications turned on for the Melbourne University Sausage Hunter Facebook group.
  17. If it didn’t take your professors ten minutes to figure out how to turn the volume up on a YouTube video, then maybe you’d actually go to your lectures (no, probably not).
  18. If you’re not in the food hall by 12:15pm, then you’re obviously happy eating on the floor.
  19. You promise yourself you’ll join a club or society each semester, but you’d rather buy two Italian herb meatball subs than pay the joining fee.
  20. Your lecturer looks nothing like he sounded in the recordings.
  21. Group assignments are God’s way of telling you the world is full of d*ckheads who can’t spell.
  22. People who ask questions in lectures want to die alone.
  23. The ideal time to start re-watching the entire series of Friends is the first Tuesday of SWOTVAC.
  24. Drinking in class is permitted if it’s Vodka mixed with blue food dye in an Isotonic Powerade bottle.
  25. You get a tiny bit star-struck when the lecturer walks by your desk during an exam.
  26. Hurdle requirements are negotiable.
  27. People who cough repetitively during exams should be put down.
  28. If you don’t have a Macbook, your parents hate you.
  29. Student experience surveys are a great opportunity to ask your lecturer if he has children, and if he likes destroying their future career prospects as well.
  30. If you’re not wearing activewear, you’re not serious about your education.
  31. The library staff aren't there to help you, they're there to remind you that old people can't operate computers.
  32. ‘I am Lord Voldemort’ is an anagram for ‘exam invigilator’.
  33. $2 glasses of sparkling at Asian Beer Café are the reason you could pay your phone bill last month.
  34. The only reason you’re still studying is for the public transport concession.
  35. The only time you’ve applied anything you’ve learnt from formal education to the real world is at a Queensberry trivia night, and it was when you called your team the ‘Mitochon-trivias’.
  36. You don’t own a shred of uni merchandise, but you have collected several of their witches hats after a sesh at Turfs (RIP).
  37. Compulsory lectures are illegal.
  38. Wearing shin-pads and a mouthguard to class makes your excuse for leaving class early for training more convincing.
  39. Wearing heels to uni is a desperate cry for help.
  40. Pasting entire paragraphs from a Harvard Business Journal into your assignment and then correctly referencing them is ‘still plagiarism’.
  41. Reading lists of 41 things is the perfect study break.

This Melbourne version was inspired by the original article by Mollie Maloney on The Urban List Sydney.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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