Funny

44 Tweets That’ll Give You Life If The Postal Vote Has Made You Dead Inside

By Millie Lester - 06 Nov 2017

funny-tweets


While a sizeable chunk of us have recently sworn off the cesspool of hatred that is the entirety of social media, there are a number of us still soldiering on through the never-ending hatestorm hidden in the comments section of every single online post. Times are tough, everyone is O-V-A-H Australia’s political climate and the internet is not always our friend, but here are 44 times randoms on the internet didn’t question our human rights and instead gave us a little bit of a giggle.

1. I was so high I did not recognise, the fire burning in her ex’s Manhattan apartment.

2. The wifi doth protest too much, methinks.

3. Sry can I just creep in there in front of you? Boop boop TY frem.

4. Hey you, always on the run, gotta slow it down baby gotta have some Louis Vuitton.

5. Soz, didn’t mean to ruffle any feathers.

6. Four letters, one ‘T’, destroys loungesuites.

7. Thanks Nicki, I’d like to solve.

8. Never have I ever done a shoey on a cop car.

9. Sleep tight, don’t let the owl peck your eyes out.

10. And happy almost eighteenth birthday to my handsome son Andre (right).

11. Her equal fav number are Trump and Stalin.

12. How big’s the delivery driver though?

13. Play play play play play play play play.

14. You wanna take this outside [the enclosure]?

15. He gonna treat you like a princess, that’s for sure.

16. I want them pouring out the sunroof.

17. Really accentuates my new dead fl-eye shadow.

18. Use your inside bark please sir.

19. You have nice eyes, I’ll see them in court.

20. Now watch him preen his tires with his windscreen wipers.

21. Soaaarrring, flyyyyying, there’s not a cuttlebone on a string that I can’t reach.

22. Don’t you see baby, this is suspicion.

23. Meanwhile, at Howard’s local watering hole.

24. Sh*t.

25. Yes, he’s a Skinnycap Wivsoy.

26. Wake up, Geoff.

27. She barely sells seashells by the seashore.

28. OMG ded.

29. Don’t forget his Netflix password.

30. Romeo. Romeo pls. Reply to my Snapchat.

31. Also, how did you get rid of your bitch? Asking for a friend.

32. Can you, like, draw a little gun next to it or something?

33. A reliable source says Bindi Irwin’s secret twin brother has the answer.

34. Yeah but does he make you laugh like I do?

35. I hope it lives up to the book version.

36. And you gain strength from chewing the shi*t out of EVERYTHING.

37. When you spend your whole paycheque on flake and potato cakes.

38. Just a small town yellow cat thing, living in a lonely iOS game.

39. Short but not too short, mum says I still have to tie it up for school.

40. Dogs look like their—phwoar.

41. So you gots to dance for Hilary.

42. Ice is back with a brand new recommended freezer temperature.

43. And only 6 weeks after giving birth, bloody hell.

44. #ootd.

Did you know that Spam chips exist in Melbourne? Read all about them here

Image credit: rawpixel

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