While a sizeable chunk of us have recently sworn off the cesspool of hatred that is the entirety of social media, there are a number of us still soldiering on through the never-ending hatestorm hidden in the comments section of every single online post. Times are tough, everyone is O-V-A-H Australia’s political climate and the internet is not always our friend, but here are 44 times randoms on the internet didn’t question our human rights and instead gave us a little bit of a giggle.
1. I was so high I did not recognise, the fire burning in her ex’s Manhattan apartment.
I could write jokes for 1000 years and never create a sentence funnier than this pic.twitter.com/JCor0vD0oR
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) January 2, 2017
2. The wifi doth protest too much, methinks.
he was ahead of his time pic.twitter.com/iQNVouihCN
— WE Josh (@shatterfront) January 2, 2017
3. Sry can I just creep in there in front of you? Boop boop TY frem.
There should be a friendly horn sound in cars so u can be like boop thank u friend
— Legend of Chelda (@legendofchelda) January 7, 2017
4. Hey you, always on the run, gotta slow it down baby gotta have some Louis Vuitton.
stop right now
— kate (@katecliffy) May 4, 2017
thank you very much
I need somebody with a pic.twitter.com/0T6yiUMlWy
5. Soz, didn’t mean to ruffle any feathers.
probably my fav story of 2017 @caitalexanderx pic.twitter.com/UQsNBZyvHH
— (spooky) shem (@ShemShady_) May 6, 2017
6. Four letters, one ‘T’, destroys loungesuites.
Can some just check the Times crossword setter is okay? And not eg being menaced by a large cat pic.twitter.com/ETiB25fy7n
— Jamie Douglass (@JamesLDouglass) June 6, 2017
7. Thanks Nicki, I’d like to solve.
Vowel please Nicki pic.twitter.com/CbPI2zcdll
— Simon J Whitby (@SimonJWhitby) April 16, 2017
8. Never have I ever done a shoey on a cop car.
"Never have I ever ran through a field of wheat" pic.twitter.com/TEUfVmcLtQ
— Jennifer Agnew (@jen_agnew) June 7, 2017
9. Sleep tight, don’t let the owl peck your eyes out.
Most kids have a stuffed animal or blankie. My niece has one of those plastic owls u put outside to scare away birds pic.twitter.com/U3CX3Gcb0V
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) April 10, 2016
10. And happy almost eighteenth birthday to my handsome son Andre (right).
Thanks for the clarification, Dad. pic.twitter.com/Y2ulMh7sJV
— Ray (@rayy_baybay) July 21, 2017
11. Her equal fav number are Trump and Stalin.
my fav colour is also hitler pic.twitter.com/0tMnOGpsOG
— some quack ���� (@hurlarious) July 23, 2017
12. How big’s the delivery driver though?
Delivery guy: Could I use your toilet?
— Barnesy (@3arnesy) July 27, 2017
Me: Yes sure it's the door under the stairs.
Delivery guy: Which one?
Me: Erm, the person sized door. pic.twitter.com/DBBpYiUC1W
13. Play play play play play play play play.
Rihanna: Ok let's write this song. what else rhymes with "work"?
— Evilsh Presley (@_ElvishPresley_) September 13, 2016
Drake: i wouldn't worry about it
14. You wanna take this outside [the enclosure]?
"You lucky this man holding me back. Next time you say my moms neck game crazy he won't be here to save yo ass" pic.twitter.com/VnWnoF6zsA
— #DefendDACA (@Purpdapurp) October 15, 2015
15. He gonna treat you like a princess, that’s for sure.
Roommate has date coming by later and asked me to clean bc he's not home. So I made a Princess D shrine in his room pic.twitter.com/wfOeVUm7yW
— Deep Web Italian (@Deno_Tron) July 1, 2017
16. I want them pouring out the sunroof.
"Fill 'er up, please", I say as I pull my van up to the cat shelter.
— moody monday (@mdob11) September 23, 2013
17. Really accentuates my new dead fl-eye shadow.
Text from mum - having trouble sticking lashes on without her glasses.. turns out she was trying to glue a dead fly to her eyelid. I'm out. pic.twitter.com/2vNpcW5l5n
— Molly Robbins (@MCreativeCakes) July 29, 2017
18. Use your inside bark please sir.
Sir, sir, if you con, SIR IF CONTUNUE TO RAISE YOUR VOICE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE SIR. pic.twitter.com/WIuyCntgBg
— Smellin Richardy (@Jehwauhn) November 21, 2014
19. You have nice eyes, I’ll see them in court.
Nervous around the person you like? Sue them. They'll be forced to see you in court, well dressed & in control. Let the law be your wingman.
— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) June 18, 2014
20. Now watch him preen his tires with his windscreen wipers.
And here we see a wild bus drinking water from a river pic.twitter.com/TCeTDen0CS
— sarcasm (@autocorrects) July 26, 2014
21. Soaaarrring, flyyyyying, there’s not a cuttlebone on a string that I can’t reach.
Good thing you put a swing in your birds cage he's probably on that thing like
— hall-joe-ween (@sad_tree) August 18, 2014
"MAN THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN FLYING"
22. Don’t you see baby, this is suspicion.
Cop: Where were you last night?
— Moe Othman(Youtuber) (@MrMoeOthman) December 18, 2015
Shakira: At home sleeping
Shakira's hips: She was at the club where the murder took place
Shakira: -_-
23. Meanwhile, at Howard’s local watering hole.
"You're sure that's the right word?"
— carlton, but SPOOKY (@carltonhimself) June 9, 2015
"Like, 80% sure, yeah."
"Print it." pic.twitter.com/RyteF8V2ko
24. Sh*t.
Jurrassic Park in six seconds https://t.co/Ys0PkgpG5u
— ������������ ������������������ (@GrrlGhost) June 30, 2015
25. Yes, he’s a Skinnycap Wivsoy.
FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) July 24, 2013
26. Wake up, Geoff.
"Anybody here named Jeff?"
— Ratt ToBehead ������ (@mtobey) January 21, 2016
Jeff: "Yes"
Geoff: "Yeos"
27. She barely sells seashells by the seashore.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
— goth turtle (@dubstep4dads) September 13, 2014
28. OMG ded.
I’d like to buy a vowel, Pat
— Pumpkin Spiceotope (@BuckyIsotope) July 21, 2014
“Go ahead”
Is there a ��?
“There are 14”
I’d like to solve. ‘OMG LOL I CAN’T EVEN ����������������������������’
“You got it”
29. Don’t forget his Netflix password.
Take your husband’s last name. Take his first name. Take his social. Assume his identity. Hide the body in a closet. You’re the husband now.
— Danielle Grace (@danimgrace) May 12, 2015
30. Romeo. Romeo pls. Reply to my Snapchat.
Romeo: check out this cat video
— chuuch (@ch000ch) November 21, 2015
Juliet: omg dead ��
Juliet: hello
Juliet: romeo
Juliet: i didn't mean literally dead
Juliet: romeo
31. Also, how did you get rid of your bitch? Asking for a friend.
"So terribly sorry to hear of your ninety and nine problems." pic.twitter.com/S2zxEAhicd
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) December 9, 2014
32. Can you, like, draw a little gun next to it or something?
-The name's Bond. James Bond.
— Frankensteinsplainer (@mutablejoe) July 4, 2014
-I've written Bond now.
-Oh. Can you change it or is it too late?
-When your coffee's ready they'll call Bond
33. A reliable source says Bindi Irwin’s secret twin brother has the answer.
What do we want? CLICKBAIT
— Andy Vale (@AndyVale) August 26, 2015
When do we want it? The answer will shock you.
34. Yeah but does he make you laugh like I do?
You vs. The guy she tells you not to worry about. pic.twitter.com/ZwxCfTgWXn
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) August 8, 2016
35. I hope it lives up to the book version.
not always the biggest fan of sequels but... pic.twitter.com/tphhfzBMyh
— ©hris™ (@ChrisTrauma) July 14, 2016
36. And you gain strength from chewing the shi*t out of EVERYTHING.
[inventing dogs]
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) August 4, 2016
God: ur mans best friend
Dog: pretty sexist
God: no, man as in every-fuck it u can't talk
Dog: ...
God: & chocolate kills u
37. When you spend your whole paycheque on flake and potato cakes.
Seagulls always look like they just saw their account balance at the ATM. pic.twitter.com/QiiWfKWAHu
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) May 10, 2016
38. Just a small town yellow cat thing, living in a lonely iOS game.
he took the midnight train going anywhere pic.twitter.com/Omdb2RYnD9
— eden (@edeneIizabeth) April 28, 2016
39. Short but not too short, mum says I still have to tie it up for school.
My mom just RUINED my dog and she literally said "he wanted to keep it long on the top" I am devastated pic.twitter.com/pjYuGYNhUm
— Lindsay Martin (@lindsaymartin15) November 19, 2016
40. Dogs look like their—phwoar.
My mom just RUINED my dog and she literally said "he wanted to keep it long on the top" I am devastated pic.twitter.com/pjYuGYNhUm
— Lindsay Martin (@lindsaymartin15) November 19, 2016
41. So you gots to dance for Hilary.
"what will you do to fix the national epidemic of hateration in this dancerie?" pic.twitter.com/jVDy3eJBCP
— deaux (@dstfelix) September 27, 2016
42. Ice is back with a brand new recommended freezer temperature.
Alright stop, refrigerate and listen pic.twitter.com/MKsZGp1mpN
— Jody Porter (@jodyporter_) November 24, 2016
43. And only 6 weeks after giving birth, bloody hell.
She truly is the world's greatest athlete pic.twitter.com/bYpqw8OmD0
— bras in the dryer (@ajlobster) March 22, 2016
44. #ootd.
when a selfie comes out better than expected so you gotta show it off pic.twitter.com/ISBMNQ6nhg
— Emergency Kittens (@EmrgencyKittens) November 3, 2016
Did you know that Spam chips exist in Melbourne? Read all about them here.
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