28 Things You Won’t Be Saying While Watching The AFL Grand Final This Year

By Ben Tyers
25th Sep 2017


Ah yes, that one day in September. It’s back once again, the day where Melbourne comes to a complete halt, everyone gathers around a table that is too small for their group at the local pub, and cheers for a team they don’t support based on the fact that they hate that one player.

It’s a magnificent day. Even if you’re not into sport it’s just a good old time to catch up with mates and partake in the Australian sport of having a beer.

Who will get the job done on Saturday? Will it be the mighty Tigers of old, or will the minor premiers—Adelaide—take the cup back to South Australia?

Either way, here are 28 things you definitely won’t be saying on Grand Final Day.

  1. These beers are going down terribly.
  2. The playing surface looks terrible today.
  3. Nick Vlaustin’s beard looks very good.
  4. I’m glad we got here late, there are heaps of tables left.
  5. I hope Adelaide win.
  6. I wish GWS was playing today.
  7. I couldn’t have done a better job of singing the national anthem.
  8. I’m glad they made the Tigers wear their clash jumper.
  9. This superfood salad is exactly the kind of footy food I was after.
  10. I’ve had too many beers.
  11. It’s good that they let corporates in before.
  12. I preferred Meatloaf’s performance to The Killers.
  13. The umpiring has been great.
  14. I’d love to see more of Roaming Brian.
  15. Midday is too early for an Espresso Martini.
  16. There’s no way I would’ve picked him for 1st goal kicker.
  17. I am not at all terrified of Dustin Martin.
  18. I preferred Shaun Grigg when he played for Carlton.
  19. Richmond don’t deserve this, they’ve been too successful.
  20. I think the Grand Final should be played in different cities.
  21. I’ll go home straight after the final siren.
  22. Just one more beer.
  23. I have no interest in winning the half-time meat raffle.
  24. I’m glad the corporates get the tickets they rightfully deserve.
  25. Next time I get a haircut I’m asking for the ‘Dusty’.
  26. Adelaide’s Tom Lynch is easily the best Tom Lynch in the league.
  27. No jugs please, I would just prefer pots at this point.
  28. I hope Bruce McAvaney doesn’t say “speeecciaaaaal” today.

Still looking for somewhere to watch the game? This list will help you out.

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