Legend has it that the Espresso Martini was created by some British dude named Dick Bradsell who had a customer come into his bar and say, "I want something that will wake me up and f*ck me up." Blunt, but we like it. And that's how the deadly, yet glorious cocktail was born.
While we're major fans of the Espresso Martini, it's usually wayyyy overpriced for a drink that only holds three ounces of liquid. And sure, we can make it at home. But we'd be happy if we could have it made by a professional for under $12 (why are they so expensive in the first place?!?).
So we made a list of where to find cheap-ish Espresso Martinis in Melbourne every night of the week. We'll see you on the dance floor.
You know what? We want the option for a cheap Espresso Martini every day of the work week and we’d like to thank Melbourne Public, aka MP, for making that happen. This place was made for sipping (or chugging) Espresso Martinis thanks to its1920s flare and live music. We can dig it. Meet you here after work.
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis from 4pm to 7pm, Monday-Friday.
This places KNOWS what it means to put on a worthy happy hour(s). During the hours of 3pm-6pm, Tazio Birraria Pizzeria & Cucina is totally generous with their food and drinks specials. They claim to be the largest Italian restaurant in Melbourne CBD, so bring your workmates and go knock off a few Espresso Martinis after work. Lord only knows you deserve it. If you don’t roll out of there tipsy and full, you’re doing it wrong.
The Deal: $12.50 Espresso Martinis from 3pm to 6pm, Monday-Thursday. Or if you need a full five hours, head there on Fridays from 2pm to 7pm.
Duke Of Wellington
When you’re on the hunt for cheap drinks, the setting doesn’t matter. It’s usually just finding the best deal, skull a few and go before happy hour ends. But if you head to The Duke, you might actually want to stay. They host live music, cheap meal dealz and generous $10 cocktail offer that we've got our eye on. Plus, it’s a rockin’ atmosphere—as it should be. It's only been around since 1853!
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis from 4pm to 6pm, every day.
If you’ve been to The Exchange, you know it’s a pretty bumpin’ place. There’s always something going on, but it’s also a semi-classy environment, so you make an effort to look like a somewhat decent human being before making an appearance. They love Espresso Martinis just as much as we do, and thankfully, they’ve graced us with a deal that we’ll dress up for.
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis from 4pm to 7pm, Monday-Friday.
The Terminus Hotel
We can all agree that Mondays drain the life out of us. Lucky for us, The Terminus hosts "Locals Night" on Mondays, where it thanks you for being Australian by offering a $10 Espresso Martini. (What if we bring an American?) Either way, they definitely know what’s up. We appreciate their support in getting us through Mondays.
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis on Mondays.
If you’re too lazy to make this drink at home, head to Jane Doe on a Monday to sip your Espresso Martini on a comfy, velvet couch. It's just like being in your living room! This place is vintage, retro and too cool for school. Just like an Espresso Martini. (Don't expect to be sitting on the couch for long after a few of these babies.)
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis ALL DAY on Mondays. Or from 2pm to 7pm, daily.
Tuesdays are for tacos and tequila. See the "All Week" schedule above.
The Carlton Club
If you’re looking to get rowdy and Wine Wednesday isn’t doing it for you, march your wild and crazy butt over to The Carlton Club. The interior of this place actually looks like a jungle, and after a few Espresso Martinis, you’ll be swinging from the large giraffe mounted on the wall. What a fun Wednesday! May we join?
The Deal: $12 Espresso Martinis from 8pm till late (whatever that means), Wednesdays.
Thirstyyyyy Thursday, what's up! This is the part of the week when you’re over it and have come to the conclusion that Friday doesn’t count. So you might as well start the weekend early. Glamorama gets that and gives you FOUR hours to drink yourself into oblivion. Bring a mate! It’s a glorious 2 for $20 deal.
The Deal: 2 for $20 Espresso Martinis 6pm to 10pm, Thursday. Or 8pm to 10pm, Friday.
The Bridge Hotel
Friday afternoon means one thing at The Bridge: Happy Freakin' Hour. That means $4 pots, $7 pints aaaaaand $13 espresso martinis. The good times roll from 5pm to 7pm, so if you work anywhere near Bridge Rd, make this your new Friday knock-off tradition.
The Deal: $13 Espresso Martinis, Fridays 5pm – 7pm.
Hell yes, it’s Friday. This is your time to shine. St Hotel turns up on Friday nights, specifically with $10 Espresso Martinis. At this point, we can’t be fussed. Take our wallet and keep our tab open. You’ll find us dancing on the table.
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis, Fridays.
If you think you’re not going to have a big one on Friday night, but just want a strong drink to make you forget the week, then head to the Railway Hotel. For three fabulous hours, this fine establishment serves $10 Espresso Martinis. We guarantee you ain’t having a low-key night after one of them. It’s was a nice thought though.
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis from 4pm to 7pm, Fridays.
Apparently, St Kilda knows how to party on Friday nights. Take the tram down the good ole 29th Apartment to re-energize after an exhausttinggg work week. Let’s get this party started. Ten dollar Espresso Martinis, here’s our wallet.
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis from 5pm to 8pm, Fridays.
If you’re looking for a good night, but also a long night, head to Honey Bar. These folks understand the universal struggle of the short happy hour, so they offer cheap Espresso Martinis later on to support your quest to keep the party going. You ain’t sleepin’ tonight.
The Deal: $10 Espresso and French Martinis (fancy!) from 9pm til close, Saturdays.
Windsor Ale House
Windsor Ale House is one of those places that has something going on every night of the week. Lucky for us, they’ve made the most important night of the week dedicated to Espresso Martinis and live music. Two things that go hand-in-hand. Right on!
The Deal: $10 Espresso Martinis from 8pm, Saturdays.
Seriously, how are you still alive? The first port of call is brunch. Hit up Drugstore Espresso for a mean smavo, and (because who's ever been opposed to a little hair of the dog) order up one of their Espis for FIVE FRICKIN' DOLLARZ. This is as good as it gets and you're habitually povo following another Saturday night's antics. Get that liquid courage in you before opening up the bank balance to pinpoint exactly where it all went wrong. Woooops.
The Deal: $5 Espresso Martinis from 8pm, Sundays.
Want to go even cheaper? Here's how to make the ultimate espresso martini at home.
Image credit: Griffin Simm