Over here at The Urban List, we want our readers to know what's in store for them for the week ahead. So we're bringing you horoscopes for real people who want their cosmic predictions with a side of honesty. Here are your horror-scopes, including suggestions for where to drown those mystical sorrows when you find out what you're *really* in for this week.
Pisces, you’re in luck this week! You’ve been taking the back seat for a while now so that you don’t steal anyone’s sunshine. But there’s only so much longer you can stand only getting the proverbial crappy flavours of the jelly snake bag. June is your time to peak. So go on, order that $10 pressed juice, buy those Nike Jordans—you deserve it.
Where you need to go this week: This might just be your perfect place to indulge.
Aries, we know it’s been an uphill battle for you… But don’t stop now! The fun is just beginning, after all. We know you’re searching for that special someone, and they might be closer than you think. Keep groovin’ to your Yoncé and they’ll show up when you least expect it.
Where you need to go this week: We've found some rooftop bars just for you. Perfect way to impress that special someone when they come along.
It’s been a long time coming, and now you’re finally withering away thanks to the Winter cold snap. Take a chill pill because the road is only going to get steeper. But remember to have fun! If you approach it positively, it can’t be that bad, right? Yes, you’re stubborn, so focus that determination on the good things around you. Go on, chuck them a super like on Tinder. It will pay off (promise!).
Where you need to go this week: Here's some ways to channel that positivity into your wardrobe.
It’s finally your time to shine! You’ve had a few toughies, and now you’re bouncing back. Go on and buy yourself some goodies during sale season. Put your best designer shoe clad foot forward, something good is around the corner.
Where you need to go this week: Time to go on an adventure, so try some delish food outside the city.
Oh, Gemini, Gemini. When will you learn? There’s only so much good that can come from mooching out. Time to take action! Your sun is in your money house, so carpe diem and push yourself that one step further.
Where you need to go this week: Get active y'all, here's some ways to make exercise bearable.
It’s pretty obvious you love following your heart and dancing with the fairies. Which is all well and good, but now it’s time to tie your hair back and settle down. That means take it easy on your vino this week and have a think about your goals that don't involve finishing a bottle.
Where you need to go this week: Here's some guidance for you young'uns that are interning.
Virgo we know you’ve been going a bit cray-cray on social media this week. And it’s paying off! You’re raking in the likes, and those hashtags are bringing new internet pals into your life. Keep going, you social butterfly, and reach out to your idols when you can.
Where you need to go this week: Here's a spot that will help you to glam up your social media life.
Hopefully those winter blues haven't got the better of you, because good vibes are finally coming your way. While things may have been a bit touch and go for you lately, the chillier months are the perfect time for you to take charge. So go on, upload that insta selfie. You’re pretty much unstoppable now...
Where you need to go this week: Check out our recommendations of Insta-worthy spots for your selfie.
No Tinder matches this week, Scorpio? This just may not be your time to shine. Best to go binge-watch some kind of Netflix docco with some Tim Tams and vino. But don’t let it get you down, there’s some career perks in store for you. Remember to always open up conversations at work, especially when they could swing in your favour.
Where you need to go this week: Cheer yourself up with these bad boys.
Let’s face it, you’ve been on a winning streak lately, but we all know that all good things must come to an end. Don’t sulk about it though. Instead, make the most of limelight and take a risk this week. After all, how many more Doughnut Time Snapchats can you take? Yep, we know alllllll about them...
Where you need to go this week: Maybe just a few more, you know, for the Snapchat, obvs.
While maybe this hasn’t been your year for luuurve, your social life seems to be on fleek. Everyone wants to be your pal! So now’s the time to take control and keep channelling that positive spirit. And as the end of the month draws to a close, a handsome stranger might just waltz in and turn things around in the love department.
Where you need to go this week: Snag some inspo when it's time for the date.
Are you getting a bit bored of that same, old routine? There’s only so much longer you can keep switching those Snapchat filters. It’s time to mix things up a bit. Grab your friends and start thinking outside the box, with a focus on fun times and good communication (ie. talking about the things that are irking you). It will improve your confidence, plus your stars are set to realign soon!
Where you need to go this week: Once you're ready to turn that positivity towards your career, check this out.
Need more suggestions to deal with your week ahead? Search our Directory for the best of Melbourne.
Compiled by Mona Chatskin. Image Credit: Twyla Skeggs @Twylamae