Horoscopes: Your Cosmic Week Ahead

By Melanie Host
23rd May 2017


Every Tuesday we feel qualified to make accurate forecasts of everyone’s future based on their birthday…well, if you know a better way of predicting lottery numbers, we're all ears.

Listers, here's what's up for the last week of May. May the Force be with you. 


The summer party season is well and truly behind us, but that ain’t no reason to lock yourselves in, Gems. Got a sexy LBD or a new cologne? Slack it on and shimmy your way to the dance floor, ‘cause your relationship stars have aligned. That means you’ll make long-lasting friendships and find love this week.

Get your romance game on – we’re talking steak with a view.


Your stars are screaming, “GO ON A PHOTOSHOOT!!!” – so get snapping, either behind the lens or in front of it. This week’s perfect for capturing 2D memories that’ll last a lifetime, whether you’re just casually hangin’ out at Hanging Rock or donning your fave new outfit under a flaming autumn tree. Don’t forget to backup your pics... 

Need some liquid confidence for the week? Try these Thai BUCKET cocktails.


Say hello to your busiest week of the month (in fact make that the whole year). Fret not, Leos, you’ll get through this. Just use that open mind of yours to your advantage, take risks and try new ways of tackling your usual tasks. Most importantly: relax. Everything will fall into place.

Be sure to squeeze in some time to go to South Yarra for some made-to-order milk and cookies!


Have you been up to no good, again? We know you Virgos have tons of tricks up your sleeves, but if they’re not pointing in the right direction, you could end up faced with some serious repercussions, especially as your career and finance planets are in sight.

Stay on the good side and warm up with the best winter dishes and delicious whisky cocktails.


OMG Libra, is that a new cheek highlight, ‘cause you’re absolutely glowing this week! Whatever it is you’re doing, keep it up and we’re sure something good’s gonna happen.

Get yourself a Philly cheesesteak from Sparrow’s, good lookin’!


We’re chugging closer to the middle of the year, and you’ve caught yourself in a lazy slump. Time to get back on track. Start sleeping and eating well again, and get extra active this week!

Get yourself moovin’ with some homemade flavoured milk. If you still feel like a blob by the end of it...yeah, we've got nothin’.


Weird, almost ALL your friends have gone AWOL on you lately… Pshh, you don’t need ‘em to get on with your week! If you’re going to be a loner these few days, pretend it’s on purpose and treat yourself to what YOU wanna do.

You know what’s sure to cure that lonely feeling? CHEESE! ‘Nuff said.


Uh oh, 2017 was looking good up to this point, but the weather might take a toll on your health and your overall mood this coming week. Do all you can to stay in the pink of it, and don’t despair Caps, there’s always June... June is never a bad month, right?

You need Melbourne’s best alcoholic cold cures for the sick days…Told you alcohol was the answer.


Hey, hey, excellent news, Aquarius! It seems you’ll be able to thank your lucky stars this week, cause things are looking up in your love life, career and health. You’re in for an easy peasy lemon squeezy few days ahead, so good on ya!

Since luck’s in your cards this week, send in a cheeky entry to WIN a trip to Tassie.


Whether it’s something someone said or did, it’s seriously bothering you and causing you to enter a deep, dark space in your thought bubble… Okay, here’s our go at telling you to SNAP OUT OF IT! They. Don’t. Matter.

Start your days on a sweet note with NUTELLA STUFFED pancakes!


Your impulses are acting up, and that’s not a bad thing, not a bad thing at all… Don’t be like Pisces this week and overthink every action – this week your planets are backing you up on every single one of your choices and you DEFFO won’t regret any of it.

Don’t hesitate to go big! Beer and ribs will be flowing all Saturday long ‘cause it’s RIBFEST this weekend.


You’ve never needed people to tell you to ‘take a chill pill, because you’re usually pretty calm going through tough times. But since we know that money woes have struck you lately, we’d like to offer you some humble advice: While you train your patience waiting for a fat cheque at the end of the financial year (here’s hoping!), shift your focus to family and the things you can’t just spend away.

Gather those important to you and get a load of this HUGE café with homebaked cronuts and truffled Croque Madams. 

Need more inspo? Here are some more awesome things to do this week.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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