Horoscopes | Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Greta Waters
14th Nov 2017


Do you REALLY want to know what’s in store for you and your future? The stars have spoken, and this week we’ve got a nice balance of food, friends and feels. The holy trinity. 

Keep reading if you dare, here’s what you’re *really* in for this week.


We saw you put the gas mask on when your housemate started singing “love is in the air”. Gems, it’s time for you to slip into your fancy pants and get out of the house. You aren’t going to find love walking from bedroom to fridge (ONLY in this situation, peanut butter does not count as a lover and life partner).

In your search for love, maybe it’s time to take a leaf from Keira’s book and make a trip to Paradise.


Cancer, it’s Tuesday and our charts are still feeling that raging hangover. We might not know exactly what you got up to on the weekend, but we're totally impressed and fully support this new wave of bad-ass-ness. All is well in your universe, keep smiling and shake that booty.

The time has never been better to visit our new friend Jayne.


Leos, this week it’s all about your House of Pleasure – that means leisure, luxury and love. We demand you only do things that make you happy.

We’ve seen the way your jaw drops when the waiter brings your food. Time to splash some cash on the Best French Toast Dishes In Melbourne.


Nothing takes away your “WTF WAS I THINKING” past like your “WAIT HOW DID I GET HERE” future. Virgos, the charts this week are saying out with the old and in with the new. Run with it, and never look back.

Start by saying goodbye to Pokémon Go and hello to Harry Potter: Wizards Unite.


Libs, the stars in your galaxy are shuffling around to make room for your money moon. We haven’t seen this many digits in your bank account before, so enjoy the sweet sound of paywave’s tap, guilt-free.

This week it’s your turn to shout the fancy champagne (we suggest the one you can’t pronounce).


Pack your bags, Scorpios, you’re going on an adventure. Mars is breaking you a whole new ground this week, and the things you'll discover will change your life for the better.

Fuel your adventure at South Yarra’s newest Middle Eastern hotspot.


Sags, the matching PJs for you and your boo are super cute, but the googly eyes you give each other are simply impressive. Keep up the good work love birds #goals.

We already know you read their horoscope before yours, so here are 50 Signs You’re In A Long-Term Relationship.


Caps, we know small talk is not your thang. In fact, we’ve literally seen your spine shiver when your workmates suggest a friendly Friday drink. But it’s time to face your fears and start a convo with someone you’ve never spoken to before – worst case scenario, a cat takes your tongue and your cold feet turn to frozen toes.

Whether your toasting to friendship or romance, suss out these epic picnic tips.


You used to be so sweet, Aquarius, so friendly and approachable. But wowee, this working week has really hit your charkas hard. You might be living through a week of hell (yes, it’s so bad they had to name it) but the charts are promising excessive amounts of coffee will get you through.   

We’ve been told these little suckers can survive the pits of hell as well.


Resting bitch face has always been your biggest battle. Pisces, it’s time to remove the permeant DO NOT DISTURB sign from your forehead and smile. Because, well, your super icy “look” isn’t making you any friends.

Fake a smile at this pop up Floating Bar and the charts predict a real one will follow.


Mars is your ruling planet, Aries, which explains your fiery passion and abundance of courage. The Universe is asking that you put some of that forceful energy on the shelf—you’re REALLY going to need it next week (signs are pointing to acid rain).

Maybe some free yoga will help calm the nerves?


We’ve really noticed something about you Taurus – when it rains, oh boy does it pour! The stars would like to remind you (as of yet) you’ve got a 100 percent survival rate when it comes to torrential s#!t storms. Keep calm and carry on, friends. 

Trust us, it’s not always going to be like this. This calm comes after the storm.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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