'Tis the season to be jolly. Unfortunately, due to an overabundance of jolliness, 'tis also the season to be seedy ("jolliness" means tequila). The morning after a big day out at the races, a cheeky session in the sunshine or a festive season soiree, can bring forth the wrath of hell. Or least that's what it feels like is happening between our war-ravaged temples and why all of sudden we feel like we have been gargling a dead possum. Certainly the best way to "cure" a hangover is to avoid one all together. But sometimes hangovers are sneaky little suckers. Below you'll find a range of suggested morning-after remedies: take them with a grain of salt, an aspirin and our sympathies.
#1: Cafes with the Cure
Berocca is the cure by the way. Fitzroy's Grace cafe promises Berocca "without judgment" and a necessary side of baked eggs and chorizo. Berocca is a signature of many a Jason Jones menu. We often opt for the original incarnation of Entrecote because it's in "South Ra-Ra" darling (ie. you can get away with donning a pair of dark sunnies by pretending you are a Real Housewife). Also brilliant puppy-watching opps take away the pain. You can also get a fizzy fix at Second Home and because Vegemite makes things better too we recommend pairing your drink with their Vegemite salt-sprinkled smashed avo.
#2: Hair Of The Dog
We're certainly not recommending this one for a raging hangover. But hair of the dog can put a little pep in your step if one is feeling just a little off-kilter. Eau de Vie's new cocktail list has an entire section devoted to Apothecarian tonics, restoratives and superfoods. Try the 'Autumn Leaves', which includes detox tea, thyme and gin. The classic 'Penicillin' will cure what ails you. Union Electric does a good version with ginger, lemon, honey and two types of whiskey. Or go see the good doctor at Doc Martin's at Collins Quarter. Their aperitifs and digestifs often lean towards the soothing and herbal.
#3: Bloody Brilliant
Deserving of their own separate listing, Bloody Marys are a sore-head saviour. Bonus points if you get something fried as a garnish (see Dr Morse for a deep fried pickle, Hanoi Hannah for spring rolls, or Mr Scruff's for crispy bacon). But if you feel the Bloody Mary is so two months ago, try a Vampiro from Mamasita (it's a Bloody Maria with tequila and a prawn skewer). Or a spicy Red Snapper (made with gin) from Pilgrim.
#4: Eat All Of The Things
We're not short on delightfully fatty/salty/fried eats in Melbourne. Some of our current under-the-radar favourites include the crispy, spicy Vietnamese Fried Chicken at The Brass Coq, the Cuban sandwich at Waterslide (packed with roasted pork, ham, melty gruyere, Dijon and pickled cucumber) and the Toasted Doorstop Sandwich (a beast of Istra Daylesford dry cured bacon, smoked mozzarella and house-made pear relish) at Fitzrovia. If an entire brunch is required may we suggest copious cups of Chinese green tea to go alongside David's all you can eat yum cha? Hot tip: your new favourite hangover bite may soon be a Schmucks Breakfast Bagel. Think a tonkatsu and kewpie mayo version of a sausage and egg McMuffin by Tommy Collins. A store is coming to the city in November 2015.
#5: Sweat It Out
Staying in bed will only force you to contemplate the bad decision/s that got you into this mess in the first place. If you are one of those virtuous types, sweating it out at the sauna or spa may be an option. Just remember to stay super hydrated. We like the Japenese style Onsen Ma. A rooftop bar may have gotten you into this predicament but rooftop yoga could sort you out. Check out The Yoga Place in North Melbourne. Or for the ultimate lazy steamy option just go pho. Hanoi Hannah Express Lane's online ordering system and take away menu means less interacting with other humans while you're firmly in uggs and jammies mode.
#6: Do Nothing
On the other hand doing next to nothing may be your only option. When even lying in bed is too painful, try floating in a sensory deprivation tank. Beyond Rest's "floating therapy" centre has just opened up in Prahran with highly salted water that does all the work for you. Did you know Manhattanites enjoy the luxury of hooking themselves up to a vitamin cocktail via IV drip aboard an after-party bus the day after? Instead in Melbourne we have a 'Replenish Me' option of intravenous fluids and electrolytes available (if you have cash to splash and can bear to can face a needle) from iv.me. Otherwise guys who prefer less drastic measures can book MANKiND's 'Hair of the Dog' package, which includes a facial, an infusion of vitamin C, massage and anti-ageing eye treatment.
Image credit: Hanoi Hannah, Doc Martin's, The BRass Coq, Fitzrovia, Mr Scruff's, Union Electric