New Years Day morning usually goes something like this... Step one: Wake up, unhappily sober, declare you’re swearing off drinking, bars and/or your friends. Step two: Drink water, shower, probably both at the same time.
Step three: reach for the nearest edible item, realise you have no edible items in your house because you’ve never done a proper grocery shop in your life. Despair because you think nothing good is open on New Years Day.
Luckily for you, some of Melbourne’s best cafes and restaurants actually don’t mind the grumpy, red-eyed demons that come trudging in on New Years Day. Talk about customer service! On the day dedicated to poorly planned resolutions and 24-hour regret, nurse your New Years Day hangover in style this year.
If you’re craving healthy stuff: Green Park Dining
In your post-drunken haze you may feel like you’ve turned half-vampire sometime during the night, given your aversion to sunlight this morning. Don’t worry, I can almost guarantee you’re fully homosapien and some Vitamin D will do you good. Nestled in greenery and featuring an open-air courtyard, Green Park Dining’s avocado, Jersey Cow feta, herb salad with toasted sourdough and Bill’s olive oil is healthy, light and won’t offend your unhappy stomach.
If you’re craving comfort food: Acoustico
Open all New Years Day from 8am-4pm, the guys at Acoustico will help you nurse your abused brain with coffee and some killer toasties. Choose the best looking corner of this endearingly mismatched café, and order a fresh corn, tomato, onion jalapeno, parsley, aioli and provolone cheese toastie - and settle into a place which won’t judge your half-dead state.
If you’re craving grease and protein: Dr Morse
As you may or may not be aware, you’re supposed to resist the grubby, hangover-fuelled urge to reach for the closest cheese filled, bacon layered piece of whatever. It’s supposedly not very good for you – ridiculous I know. But if you want the burger without the bummer after effects, Dr Morse does a super sleek cheeseburger and chips, or Korean fried chicken burger with kimchi and wasabi mayo.
If you’re craving all the ice cream: Pidapipo
Ice-cream sandwich or ice-cream? Both when you’re in this state, me thinks. The loyal team at Pidapipo are open everyday except for Christmas, dedicated to serving some of the best ice cream and gelato to needy, hungover Melburnians. We love you Pidapipo, even if it physically hurts to show it sometimes.
If you’re craving cheese: Milk the Cow
Carlton, St Kilda
After hours of beers, shots and cocktails, Milk the Cow’s cheese tastes even better. We conducted an appropriate amount of research in preparation for this article, of course. Milk the Cow expertly pairs cheese with matched drinks, but since we figure you covered that particular base last night, go for a decadently stringy individual fondue pot or a cheeseboard for a luxe hangover reward this New Years. Both St Kilda and Carlton locations are open on New Years Day.
If you’re craving all the pancakes: Two Lost Boys
"I really want to go to the store, buy ingredients and cook something delicious for myself!" Said no one when they were hungover, ever. Luckily Two Lost Boys offers some distinctly non-DIY coconut and lime pancakes - and they’re open for business on New Years Day! Served with palm sugar syrup, glazed bananas, lychee and coriander salad and coconut ice cream, fight ya hangover fire with pancakes.
If you’re craving all the coffee: Everyday Coffee
Everyday Coffee is, as you may suspect by now, open on New Years Day! Reliably producing some of the best lattes, cappuccinos and espressos around (especially when your favourite local spot is closed) - but because caffeine dehydrates, we’re not sure if you’re technically supposed to be guzzling this much coffee post-New Years Eve. Oh well, #yolo.
If you’re craving all the tea: The Lucky Penny
Not a coffee person, or trying to be a responsible adult? Good for you! Lucky Penny is opening on New Years Day with reduced hours. Offering a range of teas from Camellia’s Speciality Tea to your always-reliable EBT, a cuppa is one of the best ways to whisk away a nasty lingering hangover.
If you’re craving all the beers: GoGo Bar
For the drinking fiends or truly insane, I’m just going to leave this one here. If you go in the morning (because if you're visiting a bar on New Years Day we figure you'll be fine going in the morning) you might even have GoGo Bar all to yourself. Time for a bloody mary then?
Have you hit up all of Melbourne's Best Dishes for 2015? Get on it, you're already late!
Image credit: TUL Brisbane