What Your Drink Order Says About You

By Daniel Colasimone
27th Nov 2015


Most people have a favourite alcoholic beverage they inevitably end up drinking on a night out (or a night in). You may think you make your choice of what to drink because you like the taste of it, or it was on special at Liquor Land, but in reality, there are a whole host of psychological and historical factors at play in the decision. 

Below we reveal what your preferred tipple actually reveals about you.


XXXX: You drive a ute, shop at Tarocash and still call your mother every day. 

Fat Yak: Though you tell your friends you vote Greens, you secretly vote for the Liberal party at every election.

Coopers: Your cause of death will be tsunami. 

Tooheys New: The first thing people notice about you is your physical perfection, but it shouldn’t be forgotten you have the intellect of a Swiss supercomputer. 

Guinness: You haven’t had sex (with another person) since July, 2012.

Corona: You only drink Coronas when you can’t get hold of any peyote.

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Pinot Noir: For you, consuming a whole bottle of wine before dinner and another one with dinner is still not really counted as a ‘drinking night.’

Shiraz: Raised by a pack of wild dogs on the outskirts of the city, you still have trouble communicating with other humans, or even connecting with them on any kind of emotional level.

Malbec: By the end of 2015 you will be a multi-millionaire, but serving eight years in maximum security prison.

Cabernet Sauvignon: You were probably the smartest person at your primary school, now you work in a cubicle with all the other mooks and read YA fiction.

Pino Grigio: If you wanted you could become a champion UFC fighter, rally driver or a chess grandmaster―you just choose not to.

Bubbles: You are one rudely worded email away from going completely postal at work.

Yellow: If your group of friends was a box of chocolates, you’d be the busted up one that leaked its insides all through the box.

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Bundaberg Rum: You have sexual fantasies about Karmichael Hunt.

Jack Daniels: There’s a three-year gap between jobs in your CV which even you can’t account for.

Canadian Club: You’re drunk by 9am most mornings.

Beefeater Gin: You’ve read James Joyce’s Ulysses and you understood every word.

Smirnoff Vodka: You drive a Yaris.

Grey Goose Vodka: You think you’ve got swag like Jay-Z but you’re more on a par with Dr Alban.

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Cosmopolitan: You think you’ve got swank like Carrie Bradshaw but you’re more on a par with Irene Roberts.

Espresso Martini: You love Chet Faker and have never heard of Chet Baker.

Martini: Don’t you know? They put coffee in martinis now.

Margarita: Considering what you got up to last weekend, you should probably say 20 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers.

Manhattan: You look like a character from Mad Men and have so much style and charisma that total strangers regularly try to hump your leg.

Daiquiri: Freddo Frog is your spirit animal and you always watch the Logies.

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Image credit: Star Crush

Looking to make a stellar statement with your booze? Here are 6 Drinks You Should To Order To Impress Your Bartender!

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