Funny

You Know You’re From The East When…

By Julia Hammond - 16 Mar 2017

melbourne eastern suburbs


Fitness freaks and soccer mums galore and teenagers that dress better than 20-somethings. Ah, the east you are one of a kind and that’s why we love you. It’s the kind of place that makes Marge Simpson say, “Just look at all this beautiful ‘foilage’”. Here’s our take on things that are oh so true when you hail from Melbourne’s eastern suburbs.

  1. Active-wear all day, erryday.
  2. Which is great because you’re rarely more than 5 minutes from a yoga class.
  3. You were the first of your friends to try Pressed Juices.
  4. And every other health fad/superfood out there.
  5. There are private school kids lurking on every corner.
  6. All adorned in well-fitting Kathmandu puffers (whatever happened to ‘you’ll grow into it one day sweetie?’).
  7. 3pm school traffic gives you epic road rage.
  8. But every other car is so expensive you’re afraid to get too close #priorities.
  9. Soccer mums in 4WDs are also scream-inducing.
  10. Driving around a tram and not killing anyone is a special skill of yours.
  11. You’re either a Chadstone devotee or Westfield for life. There is no in between.
  12. There’s plenty of wicked coffee in Melbs but Axil holds a special place in the east-siders hearts.
  13. Drinking espresso martinis on the reg makes you feel like Melbourne’s version of Sex and the City.
  14. There are so many places for tasty eats on Glenferrie Rd you rarely need to venture away, almost too many to list.
  15. Just kidding here’s the list: Short Straw, Hakata Gensuke, Fonda, Boy & Co., Poki Time, Cru, Sagra, Ribs & Burgers, Yo-Chi…ok point made.
  16. You’re so comfortable on your side of the river you didn’t actually realise there is a West Richmond.
  17. Or really a West side of Melbourne at all.
  18. There are two reasons to venture southward—1) to see the beach or 2) Chapel St.
  19. And the only reason you know about the north is for Brunswick St.
  20. Between living near Box Hill and Victoria St you know where to score quality cheap Asian eats.
  21. Living near Toorak makes you feel famous when you watch Real Housewives of Melbourne.
  22. You didn’t realise nature walks were hard to get to since you live so near Studley Park #blessed.
  23. You’re obsessed with Leo’s Fine Foods because it makes you cooler than supermarket chains.
  24. There are multiple old-school cinemas for you to choose from; we’re looking at you Rivoli and Lido.
  25. You’re totally moving out of home as soon as you can afford somewhere equally as awesome as your house (thanks, mum and dad).

Want to branch out and try something new? Here are 20 cafes in the eastern suburbs you should go to.

Image credit: Realestateview

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