We’ve all been there—it’s 3am and you’ve had a great (and long) night out with your mates, only to be faced with the epic challenge of finding your way home. Without forking out a week’s rent on an Uber home, that is. We hear you, but we also don’t want you to miss out on all of the best things that are happening in Melbourne long after the sun has said goodnight.
Enter: The Night Network. Running into the wee hours of the morning (all night long in fact), public transport has got you covered. And with this newfound freedom, we’ve decided to round up a few of our favourite things to do after dark in Melbourne. You’re welcome people.
Wil Anderson’s Critically Wil
Known as the host of ABC’s Gruen and for his many podcasts, Wil Anderson will take to the stage for basically the entire month of April with his brand new Critically Wil show. It’s all part of the comedy festival and we aren’t kidding about him performing all month in all corners of Melbourne.
Late Night Van Gogh At NGV
From 28 April, NGV will be throwing their doors open for a few extra hours every single Friday night (until 8 July, anyway) so you have plenty of time to head down and experience Melbourne Winter Masterpieces exhibition Van Gogh and the Seasons. There’ll also be classic string quartet recitals, exhibition talks and live performances in the Great Hall.
USA Headliners For Comedy Festival
Featuring North America’s comedic heavy hitters, Headliners will see stars of the late night television scene and comedy club legends hit the stage at Melbourne Town Hall throughout April. Think Emily Heller, Jak Knight and Orlando Baxter—yes, it’ll be hilarious.
Good Beer Week
We love that someone had the foresight to plan a beer festival to comfort us riiiiight as Melbourne’s ice winds kick in for the year. Yes, Good Beer Week is back and as of Friday 12 May, your after work schedule is going to look pretty jam packed—just sayin’. The festival will start with a party at Beer HQ—Beer DeLuxe—and throughout the week there’ll be events literally all over the city. We’re talking about a Bloody Feral Ripper Banquet at Captain Melville, a cheese and beer tasting at Milk The Cow, Carlton and tap takeovers at every second pub in the city (well, close enough). We recommend a bar crawl from the burbs to city—just jump on Route 86 to hop from bar to bar.
The Elysian, Fitzroy
A whisky bar has opened in Fitzroy and it stocks 300 rare bottles, so yeah, you need to know about it. The Elysian is a whisky lover’s dream and we recommend that you take a seat at the bar and ask the good man or woman standing behind it to surprise you. Make sure you also hit the bar menu and if whisky isn’t your thing, then the beer, wine and cocktail list won’t disappoint either.
Holey Moley Golf Club
Combining a bar with mini golf was always going to be a good idea, because who doesn’t love behaving like a giant kid while still enjoying the perks of being an adult (beer, the perk is beer)? There are 27 holes across three different courses, two bars, karaoke and a mini golf maze so you know that these guys are having way too much fun every single weekend.
Book Of Mormon
If you’re yet to take yourself off to see Book of Mormon, then you’re absolutely crazy, but you still have time. Showing at the Princess Theatre, Book of Mormon is a musical about two Mormon missionaries who travel to Africa to preach the Mormon religion. Before you go thinking that we’ve gone all serious on you, it’s a satire and absolutely hilarious and super close to the tram stop, so you can jump over to Touche Hombre for drinks after the show.
Tequila And Tacos At Touche Hombre
You’ll jump off the tram a block down from Touche Hombre—one of Melbourne’s best Mexican restaurants, because it’s the best excuse we can come up with to eat our weight in authentic Mexican food. Plus, this place has a 100-strong tequila, mezcal and sotol list—need we say more?
House Of Mirrors Exhibition
While we’re on the topic of behaving like a giant kid—there’s a House of Mirrors exhibition happening in Bendigo this month. Built from 55 tons of steel and mirrors, it’s the brainchild of installation artists Christian Wagstaff and Keith Courtney, who designed it with the pure intention of messing with your mind. Yes, you will walk face first into at least four mirrors, but really that’s all part of the (really painful) fun. You’ve been warned.
Mr & Mrs P, Brighton
Mr & Mr P has just opened up on Bay Street and (rightfully so), the locals are loving it. Here, the décor is all warm red brick walls, oaky timber and soft lighting, so heading here on date night is a no brainer. Specifically, upstairs is your go-to for a romantic dinner, while downstairs is a more laid back affair, with a beer garden that’s ideal for whiling away a Friday night with your mates. Whether you live in the city, or further afield, Mr & Mrs P is a super short walk to the station, so getting home after a late night, is a total breeze.
Spanish Film Festival
Kicking off on April 20, The Spanish Film Festival will be screening winners like Kiki, Love to Love and newbie from Penélope Cruz, Maribel Verdú, Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon in The Queen of Spain. It’s all happening thanks to Palace Cinemas and runs until 7 May. For more details on late night session times, head here.
Amos Gill At Melbourne Town Hall
Fresh from a sold-out season at Adelaide Fringe Festival and his brand new radio show, Amos Gill will be coming to Melbourne for the Comedy Festival with his show Sorry, But It’s True. Aptly named, Amos won’t be pulling any punches so if you’re not easily offended, then this one’s for you. Kick on after the show with a tonne of restaurants nearby and only a short walk to the tram stop to get you home.
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Image credit: Hai Linh Truong