I started 2016—like every other year—with the best intentions. Eat more greens, drink more water, resist office cupcake deliveries, blah, blah, blah. Eleven months in and things weren’t exactly going to plan. At all.
So when our editor asked who was up for a three-day juice cleanse, I figured I was the best candidate. I planned to do it after a two-week holiday in Dubai, where I drank far too much wine and ate far too many cinnamon scrolls. My bod needed to be cleansed of all my holiday indulgence and nutrient-loaded liquid seems like my best bet. Plus, during my young and naïve uni years, I conquered a week-long juice cleanse (I know, right?) so a measly three days would obvs be a total breeze. Spoiler: it wasn’t.
If you’re embarking on the mind, body and soul-changing experience that is a juice cleanse, you’ll want to consult the experts. Since a bottle OJ wasn’t going to cut the mustard, I thought it was best to leave it to the juice cleanse and general wellness pros—Little Bird. Their three-day Total Wellness cleanse is packed with six freshly cold-pressed juices and a big, badass raw salad for the end of the day. It’s basically a juice cleanse rookie’s dream.
After a night of pizza eating, I woke up to a knock-knock-knocking at 8am on Monday morning (jetlag sucks, don’t judge me). Low and behold, a friendly courier handed over my first day’s worth of juices. Opening up the box, I felt like a kid at Christmas. There were juices in all sizes and colours, waiting to inject me with wholesome, nutrient-rich goodness.
First up was the Be Well Juice. This little sucker contained turmeric, ginger, tangelo, lemon, oregano oil and cayenne pepper, and aimed to get everything awake and working. While it was delish, I had already begun to miss my morning coffee.
Our office was going through some fabulous revamps so I’d be holding myself accountable at home for a WHOLE DAY. 10am rolled around and the hunger hit—cue the Morning Grapefruit and Passionfruit Kefir. I’m not much on a pulp fan (unless it’s Pulp Fiction) so didn’t really dig the pulpy consistency of this one.
Next up was the cold-pressed green juice. Hallelujah! Love me some liquid greens. I was feeling surprisingly perky considering and by the time the beetroot, carrot and ginger juice came along, I was convinced that juicing and I could become a regular thing. Especially since the next juice was basically a CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE made of cocao, almond and reishi (a type of mushie).
After a day of hard core Urban Listing, it was time for another mean, green of cucumber, spinach and Spirulina—one of my faves. Dinner time rolled around and I was kinda…full already. I shared the salad (carrot, kale, beetroot, kale, leafy greens, cabbage, seeds and a yummy dressing) with the boyf because there was no way in hell I was going to fit it all in ma belly. All in all, things in juice cleanse land started off on a preeetty good note.
Same same but different. The same delicious juices rocked up in the morning but by the time juice four rolled around, I was craving both coffee and something naughty. If a cheeky cinnamon roll magically appeared on my desk, I really don’t know what would have happened.
The cacao juice calmed my sweet tooth but it didn’t help that the colleagues were munching on cheese and crackers. Thanks guys. Cheese is actually like my family.
I force my boyfriend to share the salad with me again because I’m still sulking about not being able to eat cheese, and call it a night.
As I recall, from my past juice cleaning experiences, day three isn’t the most fun of days. You start to get a bit cranky and find yourself death staring anyone who eats anything remotely delicious and/or solid in front of you. I was that person.
When my poor editor suggested we go for an American lunch for election day, she was met with a ‘HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN I CAN’T EAT CARBS ANYMORE’ look of disgust. Sure, I was feeling a lot healthier and my body was thanking me for it, but being the huge foodie and coffee addict that I am, I was ready to eat a piece of pizza and sink a flat white or two.
While my three-day cleanse certainly had its highs and its low, I’m stoked I did it (and stuck to it!). Pro tip: there’s a time and a place for a juice cleanse and it’s not when you’re jetlagged. Juice cleanse, we’ll meet again.