What’s got you going back to that café every chance you get? The hot coffee...or the hot barista making the coffee? We think it’s about time finally you admitted there’s a daily grind you’ve been craving, and not the kind that’s rung up at the register.
Because we want you to live happily ever after with your barista boy… or you know, to at least to get his number or something, you're gonna have to implement these ploys as though you were playing a carefully strategized game of chess. That means your moves to seduce this dude need to be perfectly and accurately executed. Just one slip up and it’s checkmate. Hopefully if you play your cards right, soon it won’t only be the coffee that's percolating.
Here’s ten, by no means fail-proof, ways to let your barista know you’re desperately in love with him.
- Ladies and gents, always try before you buy, or in this case, buy before you try (to win his love). If you’re digging what he’s roasting and his espresso’s a flavour you could get used to, sounds like you’ve probs found your soul mate.
- While Insta might be awesome for menu-browsing, it can also help us check out sweet treats that aren’t baked in the kitchen. This guy’s obvs a hottie, and the caf' would be silly not to plug his mug all over their gram. He’s tagged in pics isn’t he? Begin your tactical stalking campaign.
- Next step: breadcrumbing. Now before you go throwing him pieces of your leftover toast (he’s not a duck) pls continue reading. Breadcrumbing is a wooing tactic, employed by those partial to a chase of the romantic kind. And just like your latte’s foam, there’s an art to it. How does it work? Give enough to seem interested but little enough to act like you aren’t totally smitten with him. Play it cool and things are sure to get heated.
- Obviously, if you seriously wanna get with this guy, you’re gonna need to fully commit. If you haven’t considered leaving whatever it is you do and pursuing a career as a barista, you aren’t legit.
- C’mon, drinking one coffee a day is a weak effort. There’s got to be a way to increase your caffeine intake somehow. Operation Drink Four Coffees a Day, effective immediately. Four caffeine hits a day = three more hits than just one = quadruple opportunities for him to realise he's in love with you too. Is your brain sore? Maths isn’t our strong suit either.
- The best art gets something brewing deep down inside of us. And to you, this guy’s creations deserve to be hung in the masterpiece gallery at MONA. Those love hearts he makes especially for you and ‘no one else’… sweetie, it’s a sign. You need to make a habit of reading them before you start drinking them. Or at least snap it first.
- Of course coffee isn’t the only thing of his you want in your hands... (his heart, don't be gross). If digital stalking isn’t working, it’s time to go old school. All you need to do is grab a pen and leave your name and number on the humble takeaway cup. Oh, and if you’re Insta famous, leave him your handle too. Maybe leave off the lipstick smooch.
- These days a coffee order can be done and dusted in under 20 seconds. You’re gonna need to increase your number of in-store minutes and start eating brunch there seven days a week. Breakfast dates, lunch meetings, family dinners. It’s gonna cost you, but hopefully your investment will result in some sensual returns.
- Before you totally give up all hope and swear to never drink (his) coffee ever again, Snapchat may just save the day. A PSA Snap of his face saying "does anyone know who this dude is?’" could just be the be all... or end all. It might turn out that he’s your younger sister’s older brother’s ex girlfriend’s side-piece. And yep, you've just gone and blown your cover. So on second thought, maybe don’t do that...
- You probably didn't wanna hear this, but at the end of the day there’s no substitute for some good ol’ fashioned face-to-face banter. No sliding in DMs, no-CIA grade investigations, no nothing. Whatever you do, when conducting said bants, don’t mention that you’ve actually spent the last three weeks trying to figure out if that girl in all of his dp’s is his girlfriend or his cousin, that he’s the cutest out of his four siblings and that his best mate’s trip in Japan ‘looked really fun’. Game over.
Still single? Maybe the barista isn't the problem. We've got your ultimate star-crossed guide right here.
Image credit: Gabrielle Bjorklund