Horoscopes: Your Co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Steph Lenehan
20th Dec 2016

T’was the week before Christmas and all through the office, everyone was cheery—even the bosses!

The week ahead holds many wishes and hopes, without further ado here’s the horoscopes.


Wishing you well this holiday season, but have you been super grumpy without any reason? Maybe Pluto has been running amok, or maybe you simply just don’t give a ---- no, sorry, that can’t be right, maybe you should have a quiet drink tonight.

Where you need to go this weekend: Sneaky drink or six here isn't so bad...


With family and friends gathered around and Jupiter descending, the diet is long gone, you can stop pretending! Why not continue the streak with a well-earned sweet, this patisserie will provide the perfect treat.

Where you need to go this weekend: This place agrees all time is dessert time!


Much like Rudolph, Mars is guiding your light, so don’t be surprised if everything goes right. Christmas will end but you’ll keep the cheer, grab all your friends and go for a beer!

Where you need to go this weekend: And non-alcoholic beverages as well here.


There were three wise men, but you’re lucky to find one, the Gemini stars have been avoiding the sun. Maybe it’s time to give life a think, what better way than with an ice-cold drink.

Where you need to go this weekend: Sunny days and rooftop views here.


Presents for you and some for me, but there’s nothing there under the tree! Better be quick, you better not pout, grab a gift here before their all out!

Where you need to go this weekend: Gifts galore right here.


You better watch out you better not pry, the latest gossip is only a lie. Grab your partner and get all the facts straight, this place right here is great for a date.

Where you need to go this weekend: Date night taken care of here.


A silent night sounds like the ultimate myth with children on the run, looking at the awful presents you got and you’re thinking you’re so done. Do not stress, life’s not a pair of socks, you could definitely use a detox.

Where you need to go this weekend: Ahhhhhhh peace and quiet here.


Last Christmas you gave them your heart and this Christmas you’ve got an apple tart. If you take our advice a new relationship could bloom, but if you don’t you may find certain doom.

Where you need to go this weekend: Avoid the pending doom here.


Joy to the world and joy to you too, financial prospects are looking at you! Be resourceful and make smart decisions and you’ll find yourself full of extra provisions. With that extra cash oh what will you do, a deep-fried Nutella ball? Just one or two?

Where you need to go this weekend: All of the deep-fried nutella balls right here.


This week brings new moons, fresh stars, and a sun, but you’re having trouble getting much done. It’s time to rest, you little Elf, a relaxation here and you won’t know yourself.

Where you need to go this weekend: Unwind here, you won't regret it.


We wish you a Merry Christmas and Jupiter does too, this week ahead looks mighty pleasant for you. Call up your friends and go out for dinner, we know where to go to make you feel like a winner.  

Where you need to go this weekend: This restaurant is sure to satisfy.


Five golden rings seems a little absurd but then again so is this, it won’t take any mistletoe for you to get yourself a kiss. Your love life is soaring and you’re looking hot and with a fit body you’ll have the lot.

Where you need to go this weekend: Free and fitness head here.

Design credit: Gabby Stjernqvist

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