Horoscopes | Your co(s)mic Week Ahead

By Kate Bartels
12th Dec 2017

weekly horoscopes

Sheesh! The cosmos have all sorts of things in store for you guys this week. Some of it bodacious, and some a little bit more…not so great. Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.

Don't worry, Listers. We’ve included tons of places to go and drown your mystical sorrows when you find out what you're *really* in store for this week.


You’re in for a good one. The stars tell us that this week you’ll be flooded with catch-up invites, and maybe even a hot date. Go you! No, it’s not because it’s just been your birthday little Saggis, it’s because you’re so ridiculously cool.

Looking for something that will blow your date’s socks off?  Try a Golden Gaytime panna cotta from Bentwood.


Okay—so the cosmos is saying something about finding time to relax and recharge and yada yada. We tried to tell them it was the festive season, but they wouldn’t listen. You'd better cool your jets this week. 

You don’t want to upset the universe, right? Check out Victoria’s best day spa getaways.


You know that cutie who smiled and waved on the tram this morning? Yeah, sorry, but apparently it's time for you to keep a low profile. We know, we know! You’d like a nice watch for Christmas and time is running out. There’s always next week.

If you don’t get around to snatching up a new bae, don’t fret. These guys are on the lookout for ‘Kitten Carers’.


The travel bug has hit you hard and fast, guys. And we know what you’re thinking: ‘Couldn’t it have come at tax time’? Soz. Book that getaway stat. The stars said it's cool with your boss.

If you’re looking for inspo, we’ve found the one trip that everyone must add to their bucket list.


Got that post big decision anxiety? (No, ordering an espresso martini instead of an Aperol spritz doesn’t count). Quit the stressin’, guys and gals, because you’ve got some lingering planet thing happening this week and everything is going to be okay. Trust us on this one.

While you’re feeling all sure of yourself—go for a new do at Sammy’s Hair Grooming.


Feeling a bit snappy this week are we, guys? Whoa whoa, ease the daggers, please. The cosmos wants you to remember to be your best self, get out and do something fun on your own.

A painting class at Cork & Chroma is the perfect good time you need this week. Did we mention they have wine? 


There’s a very high chance that your Saturday morning brunch date is going to cancel on you, but the stars want you to know it’s not their fault—it’s that pesky mercury again. Also, you might actually have motivation to work out this week. Apparently there’s these people who enjoy going to the gym...

If that motivation never comes, pop into Stix for frozen cheesecake on a stick instead.


Feeling the Christmas spirit are we, Cancers? Love it. The guy next to you at work wishes you’d tone down the Christmas carols, but we reckon you just tell him the universe gave you holiday cheer this week, so you can't be tamed. He should understand.

Check out the cheapskate’s guide to Christmas for some prezzie inspiration.


We know that you probably have 1736326 Christmas parties and catch up’s this weekend, but if you find yourself wanting a night in with Netlix and a bag of Maltesers, you should give in and do it. The stars reckon it’s just what you need.

 If the couch wins, here are all the Christmas flicks dropping on Netflix this December.  


Sorry to crush your vibe, guys, but your free spirit and go-with-the-flow mood may have to come to ahaltt this week. The stars reckon you’re going to be called up for some sort of serious job this week. Mysterious.

If you need some convo starters to get used to the new serious you, read up on 7 ethical businesses that deserve your dollars.


Love is in the air for you this week, Libras. You’re set to be feeling all warm and fuzzy, or even rekindle an old relationship. Our old mate the universe wants you to make the most of the love vibes and donate to your local charity. Aren’t you lovely.

While you’re feeling generous, why not treat a mate to a meal at Hawker Chan.


Hey, Scorpios—chill the FK out. Your mind is going a million miles an hour, we can literally see your brain working it’s moving so fast. It’s Christmas time—the only things you should be thinking about are prawns, potatoes and roast turkey.

If you need a hand switching off, Beyond Rest has just the thing for you.

Image credit: Gabrielle Stjernqvist

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