Where To Survive The Man Drought In Elwood

By Clare Acheson
28th Oct 2015

Stop the press, Melbourne: If you are a south-sider who lives in Elwood, you’re probably already in a state of panic about the reported man drought (ie. severe lack of men) that’s been shaking up your suburb’s testosterone equilibrium.

As announced earlier this week, the most recent Victorian Census has indicated that, out of all the Melbourne suburbs, Elwood is the one suffering the biggest gender imbalance, with in and around a 3:4 ratio of dudes to ladies.

So, where can you go to avoid Elwood’s oestrogen apocalypse and hang out with some Y-chromosome owning humans? Here are our top recommendations…

The Milton

Snazzy wine bar, The Milton, boasts an open fire place, which already indicates that it’s a man-friendly spot (cos they’re always, uh, chopping up logs with their man axes? I don’t know…). With a bar that runs the full length of the venue and a food menu that champions ceviche and charcuterie, it’s one of the best wine bars in Melbourne for getting your man quota filled. Or so were told.

The Joinery

Whether it’s a quick coffee, a full brunch or an evening tipple, The Joinery is a fantastic bay-side spot for man-baiting, man-spotting, man-hating… Whatever your man needs happen to be. We even hear that the men here bite, or so one particularly irate Facebook review might suggest. Sit back, sip one of The Joinery’s delicious flat whites, and congratulate yourself on an excellent Elwood man-café choice.


If you simply can’t resist that heady musk of man and, um, brunch (hey, I’m a girl of simple pleasures…), get to Elwood café and breakfast haven Combi. Not only is Combi one of the best cafes in Elwood, it’s also home to some particularly fantastic vegetarian and vegan dishes, which makes it the perfect spot for spying an animal-loving man in the wild.


If your man-observing activities call for a more sophisticated specimen (ie. one that doesn’t live in thongs and Bintang singlets), try Dandelion, one of the best Vietnamese eateries on the south-side. The coconut grill dishes are always a winner with men, women and children alike and, even if you don’t spot some ever-elusive Y-chromosomes, you’ll be treated to some incredibly fresh flavours.

Elwood Food & Wine Bar

Elwood Food & Wine Bar does exactly what it says on the tin: Mouth-watering nibbles, wonderful drinks, and a relaxed environment to enjoy them in. Just make sure you don’t drop in for some man time during one of their girls’ nights in. Alternatively, if you’re one of the rarely spotted males in Elwood, this could be just the mistake you’re looking to make.

Jimmi Jamz

Looking for a man who appreciates the true value of cheap pizza and pots? You’ll find him in Elwood restaurant and bar Jimmi Jamz on Mondays and Tuesdays, scoffing down $6 pizzas and $2 pots. May true bromance ensue.

Are YOU one of the last men left in Elwood? Find out how to up your style game and make the most of those odds in our men’s spring style round-up.

Image credit: The Milton via Instagram

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