The big dance is almost here. The Western Bulldogs are looking to break a 61-year premiership drought, while the billionaires from Bondi (the Sydney Swans) are playing in their third grand final in five years.
The MCG will become the colosseum yet again for the biggest prize in football, the hallowed turf awaiting a flourish of studded boots, hip and shoulders, and wild goal celebrations. The local pub will mimic the scenes at the G, with studded boots replaced by a casual sneaker, hip and shoulders replaced with.....well they remain, and wild goal celebrations that will get louder and wilder as more amber liquid is consumed.
It's a big day, and your wild claims and behaviour will no doubt grow throughout the day.
Here are 28 things you won't be saying while watching the AFL grand final.
1. I've definitely had too many beers.
2. Be quiet, I can't hear the pre-game entertainment.
3. I reckon the Dogs would win this if they had Travis Cloke, he's the missing piece.
4. I love how Brian says "wowee", can't get enough of it.
5. I definitely didn't pick <player x> to kick the first goal.
6. There's no way that was deliberate.
7. It would've been nice to see Hawthorn win another flag today.
8. I should stop drinking now so that I remember watching the game.
9. Too many holding the ball frees paid for mine.
10. Luke Parker is not a handsome man.
11. Tom Boyd is about to break this game open.
12. These beers are going down terribly.
13. I reckon Buddy is underpaid.
14. Nah, it's too early for an espresso martini.
15. Just buy pots mate, no jugs needed.
16. This meat pie isn't hitting the spot that I imagined it would.
17. I'd say Lingy is the most insightful of all boundary riders.
18. I wish GWS were playing today, they deserve it more than the Bulldogs.
19. Can't wait for the NRL Grand Final tomorrow.
20. Going to ask the barber for the "Luke Beveridge" next time i'm in there.
21. David King is the best analyst in the business.
22. Sure mate, you can stand in front of me, I can see fine from here.
23. Might go straight home after the game.
24. I really didn't think he'd win the Norm Smith.
25. This is one of the most amazing individual umpiring performances i've seen.
26. I'm really regretting mixing my drinks at this point.
27. I think they should play the grand final at a ground other than the MCG next year.
28. Would've been great to see Meat Loaf perform again this year.
Still in need of a venue to watch the game at? Check out our list of places to watch the Grand Final.
Image Credit: Western Bulldogs