So you drank too much. You said the last time would be the last time but here you are again—having mortgaged today’s happiness for last night’s fun.
Well, fear not dishevelled, smelly, unhappy, possibly-still-drunk person—just follow these 20 easy steps to get back on the road to health, which will most likely eventually lead you to another bar.
- Swear you will never do it again. I can’t emphasise enough how important this empty promise is.
- Wash the makeup off your face.
- … and the kebab.
- Figure out where you are.
- Head home in a taxi—you don’t want to ruin your Uber rating.
If you are under 25 – congratulations! Your hangover is now over. Over 25? Keep reading…
- Stop by a petrol station for Powerade, water, Coke, Panadol, icy poles and snacks.
- Drink Powerade while sitting on the floor of your shower weeping.
- Commence Netflix binge session in bed.
- Coffee. All of the coffee inside of you.
- Keep weeping you lousy piece of garbage.
- Message your friend “How bad was I?”
- End friendship if they don’t reply “awesome!”
- Create mental montage of all the embarrassing things you did last night.
- Obsessively use Tinder to prove to yourself that someone might still want you.
- BLOOD SUGAR CRASH!! Fried chicken and burgers—stat!
- Check you bank account balance to piece together where your night went wrong.
- Check your call history to see which ex you drunk dialled.
- Check for any new tattoos that may need removing.
- Remember a time when you were under 25 and only had to do steps 1 to 5
- Weep. Pray. Eat. Repeat.
On that note... here's How To Celebrate Christmas Like A Western Australian.
Image credit: The Hangover