Funny

20 Things Only Coriander Haters Understand

By Ange Law - 14 Jan 2017

Oh coriander, you polarising, hateful, selfish herb, you. I almost feel sorry for how bad you taste, except that I don’t at all.

You’re gross and while (for some) that is #enufsaid, for many confused souls who need more convincing, here are all of the things that only coriander haters understand.

1. You can’t help the fact that to you, coriander tastes like a bitter, soapy mess because you’re genetically made that way. It isn’t your fault comrades, it’s in your DNA.

2. Coriander is selfish. It doesn’t matter whether there’s a little or a lot, as soon as coriander joins the party, that’s all you’ll taste. Game. Over.

3. Vietnamese restaurants are a fucking minefield and don’t even get me started on the risk of ordering rice paper rolls. Trust me, you’ll find a giant sprig of the stuff half way through—you’ve been warned.

4. When you bite into a bahn mi and discover a coriander forest growing in it. You asked for NO coriander.

5. You decide to do the right thing and order the breakfast salad at your local cafe (#newyearnewyou etc.), only to find your kale COVERED in finely chopped devil’s herb.

6. While we’re on the topic, why cut it so small chefs? At least when it’s a whole bunch, I can just pick it out.

7. Nobody wants tiny, half soggy pieces of coriander “garnish”.

8. We’ve all been on the receiving end of “The Look” after telling a waiter that you hate it. I mean, it’s not like I kicked your puppy, mate.

9. At this point it’s just easier to tell them that you’re deathly allergic.

10. Because if you don’t you just know that the one dish you order will be sprinkled with chopped coriander that was NOT on the menu.

11. Or when it is on the menu, so you ask them to leave it out, only to receive your meal covered in the stuff anyway.

12. When your friends say “just try it, you might like it”. FFS.

13. Or when that friend becomes your ex-friend because they sneak it into your food.

14. Obviously you smell it a mile away, because that shit is pungent and gross and has no place on my plate.

15. When you think it’s flat leaf parsley in your sandwich, so you take a big bite and find that it’s actually coriander. That right there is a day ruiner.

16. You love Mexican food, but never know when the next coriander ambush is coming. Hint: it’s hiding in your guac.

17. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that coriander doesn’t deserve my hatred.

18. You’re a regular on the I Hate Coriander Facebook page—the hilarity is endless.

19. You’ve even considered investing in one of their t-shirts, but never go through with it because you know it won’t fit under all of your clothes (which is the amount of respect it deserves).

20. That overwhelming joy when you find another coriander hating soul mate and suddenly become BFFL. There is no deeper bond than that.

Design Credit: Gabby Stjernqvist

Our best stories, direct to your inbox, helping you to out-trend your mates every weekend...

You May Also Like