Funny

36 Things Only A Southern Gold Coaster Would Understand

By Kaitlyn Smith - 26 Jun 2017

southern gold coast

It’s roughly only a 25-minute cruise south from the hustle and bustle of Surfers Paradise. That is, of course, should you be lucky enough to miss the rage-inducing, hair-pulling evilness of getting every red light on the Gold Coast Highway. 

Yet despite being so close, it still feels worlds apart. We’re pretty sure it’s not too dissimilar to feeling like you’ve jumped into an ageing brown, but ‘saaahh vintage’ wardrobe and stumbled into Narnia. We love our northern counterparts, but there’s some stuff only people from the southern Gold Coast can relate to.  

  1. The recently developed pain of trying to park in Palm Beach that’ll have you renaming yourself Katniss Everdeen. 
  2. Those awe-inducing sunsets from Rainbow Bay and Greenmount that can turn any situation romantic.
  3. The urgency to get the heck outta the way of surfers making the dash from Greeny back to Snapper. Single line only please, people!
  4. Full well knowing that along with the 3,000 other people hanging at Burleigh Hill, you’re sure as heck going to ‘gram that epic sunset and skyline of the northern end. 
  5. That the Saturday morning Palm Beach Farmer’s Market is basically an event on every southerners’ social calendar.
  6. To always expect significantly slower traffic as you drive over the Tallebudgera Creek and Palm Beach-Currumbin bridges, as those less geographically fortunate take in the dreamy scenes all their glory. 
  7. When you still do number 6 on the regs.  
  8. You’re envious how so many people pull off the ‘I-didn’t-even-try-yet-still-look-so-on-point’ outfits. Seriously, how does everyone do it?!
  9. When the noise-polluting planes at the airport actually become soothing and you struggle to know what life sounds like without unnecessary noise. What even is silence?
  10. When the everyday arriving 6am flight is your alarm clock.
  11. Learning to tell which way the wind is blowing by whether the planes are passing over your house.
  12. That if you can’t get a park at Snapper, the waves are definitely over 3ft.
  13. Knowing that if you’re lacking companionship, you can always head to Niche & Co. to catch up with about 12 or so pals.
  14. The constant incessant self-nagging in the back of your mind that if you don’t know how to surf, you should most definitely learn.
  15. To always, always expect a line up at The Salt Mill.
  16. Accepting and loving that acai bowls are a staple in your diet.
  17. The southern Gold Coast community feel. People actually care about you, your well being and what you’ve been up to. Weird. 
  18. Togs are most definitely an acceptable outfit for main street Tugun. 
  19. The inexplicable calm that flows through you once you’ve driven south through Mermaid Beach after venturing to the forbidden land. *Insert collective sighs of relief*
  20. Danger Point Headland overlooking Dbar is your go-to recommendation for tourist-ing folk. And also your number one option for serious thinking-time vibes. 
  21. Shoes are never mandatory. Anywhere. Going grocery shopping? Not necessary. Hitting a fancy dinner at Balboa Italian? Don’t even bother! 
  22. Every southerners’ hesitance at heading north knowing you’ll be swarmed with people, personal space becomes a luxury and dreading that you’ll no doubt be spending at least a quarter of your life at any of Broadbeach’s intersections.
  23. When you or your significant other has checked the surf cams before you’ve even rolled over to acknowledge each other’s presence.
  24. When a Monday is basically a Sunday and every living soul you know is at the beach—does anybody actually work around here?
  25. At least half your friends’ jobs are in some way related to the aforementioned beaches.
  26. Staff from your fave cafe become friends and actually know what’s happening in your life. And will always ask how your cat is doing.
  27. To always look semi-decent and opt out of your homeless-chic style if only for a few hours. No matter where you go, what you do, what half-arsed disguise you wear, you’re always bound to run into someone you know. 
  28. Chances are high that you meet more vegans than non-vegans.
  29. Leaving the location for coffee dates unknown until the day of because, suddenly, out of thin air, there will be at least three new cafe options for you to check out. 
  30. The borderline psychotic breakdown you’re all too familiar with when trying to figure out daylight savings if living and/or working in the southern Cooly and Tweed area. The struggle is real. 
  31. You’ve unwillingly adopted a menagerie of birds who visit your back deck and could give Snow White a run for her money. You don’t love it, but you also don’t totally hate it either.
  32. Knowing that if you’re looking for a new bae, Rainbow Bay SLSC’s deck is probably the best joint in town for a good ol’ perve. 
  33. Followed by the air of smugness you feel when taking in that view from the surf club deck and pinching yourself that you live in the most stunning pocket of the Gold Coast.
  34. No longer gawking in pure fan-girl (or boy) pandemonium when spotting Mick Fanning, Kelly Slater or Occy when you’re out for breakfast.
  35. Stewing every time you drive through Palmy and all its damn traffic lights. 
  36. The pride we southerners have knowing you only need to travel 10 minutes from the near-empty beaches and you’ll plunge into the most beautiful valley and hinterland around. There’s no rainforest in Broadbeach, just sayin’.

Want more southern Gold Coast goodness? Here’s our pick of the very best of Currumbin

Image credit: Hayley Williamson for The Urban List 

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